Sleepless Nights, Part 2

Last week or so, I wrote about the sleep issues that we were having with our toddler, Lucas. I briefly mentioned that we were also having issues with Max, and while we are making headway with him, too, I'm saving his explanation for another blog post. I am happy to report that things with Lucas are getting better, although slowly. BUT ... better.

My husband was out of town for about three weeks, and I was left alone with two children that basically hated sleep. Which was truly unfortunate because I LOVE SLEEP. Like, a lot. I selfishly miss the days of being able to go to bed whenever I want, wake up whenever I want, nap whenever I want ... etc. You get the idea. But, you know, parenting.

As I mentioned, Lucas has been improving, with some pretty major leaps & bounds. We no longer stay with him in his bed, or even in his room, until he falls asleep, something we had done for weeks on end. We are also back to a scheduled 8pm bedtime. He generally doesn't like it when we leave the room, but we have compromised with leaving the door open for him and our bedroom light on (which seeps into his room just enough). He will fuss for a minute, and may call out after a little while, but we don't even go to him, tell him he's fine, and tell him to just close his eyes. More often than not, I have used the "you don't have to go to sleep, but you need to lay here" line, which fools him just enough to think that he doesn't actually have to go to bed.

I battled the two hour scream fest for the first couple of weeks my husband was gone (something that had been going on for a month up until that point), until I remember that I had bought some Zarbee's night time cough syrup when we first got here, because Lucas was so sick, and was not sleeping well due to waking himself up at night. It had the smallest amount of melatonin in it, and we reluctantly gave it to him. Neither my husband or I are fans of melatonin, for the simple fact that it's a hormone, and there hasn't been a lot of research on it in children. People also mistake it for a sleep aid, which it is not. It simply helps to reset your clock, and helps your body say "oh hey, it's pitch black, I should sleep now." I have no issue with other people using it, and if you do, I promise I'm not getting all judgy on you. To each their own, ESPECIALLY when it comes to your kids! But in the past it wasn't for us.

Until I was averaging about three hours of sleep a night while solo parenting.

If you're not familiar with Zarbee's, it's awesome. It's a totally natural, honey-based cough syrup. There are no drugs in it, just all natural ingredients, so overdosing is impossible. So I broke down, out of pure desperation, and gave it to him. And for the first time in MONTHS, my kid was out cold by 8pm. And he slept the entire night.

It was a damn miracle.

I did this for a week, to help get him back on a normal, routine bedtime. It also helped keep him calm leading up to 8pm, so we were able to do our normal routine. Bath. Books. Snuggles. Lights out. I stopped using it about a week ago, and he is back to his normal schedule, all on his own. The hyperactivity is still there, although when he gets good sleep at night, it's not nearly as bad the next day. The amount of energy that this kid has is seriously high, so keeping him active has also been equally important, although doesn't always work. We have zero TV after the morning, unless it's raining out and we may watch a movie. But by dinner time it's off for good, we play and start the calming down process because it seriously takes THAT LONG to get him to a point where he's ready for bed. We use a sound machine (always have) and have dark curtains. I think, more than anything, he is becoming more comfortable with his bed and his surroundings, to realize that it really is his space.

We still deal with wake ups in the middle of the night. It's a 50/50 situation as to whether or not he will sleep all night, but with M home now, he has been tackling the toddler wakeups. Which, for me is a huge, huge help. It gives me a chance to focus on Max (my next blog post) and getting HIM on a normal sleep schedule that doesn't involve me waking up three or four times a night.

The past few nights have been good. I am not nearly as exhausted as I was last week (or previous weeks) and overall his attitude and behavior has been SO MUCH better than I mentioned in my previous post, confirming for us at least, that everything was sleep related. Hewe  still naps during the day, although I do try to get him down as early as possible (closer to 12:30 or 1pm) to maximize the afternoon and give us plenty of time to be active. Some days napping doesn't happen, but on those days I make him play in his room by himself, and we make sure we are not at all sedentary, because come 4pm, if he sits down, he will pass out. As long as his behavior is good, we keep going and he gets a much earlier bedtime to make up for it.

All in all, huge, massive improvements. Which makes mommy very, very happy.

Sleepless Nights

Two.

Do I need to say more? Because it's kicking my ass. Hard. In a way that I was neither prepared for or really able to navigate through. My sweet, loveable blue-eyed baby boy has turned into some sort of possessed monster. And good lord, I'm not sure how to deal with this.

The main culprit has been sleep in our household. Because of our move, Max never really got on a good schedule, and right when sleep associations were setting in, we were all over the place. This has caused some issues that we are working on dealing with (another post in the works for this one) and hopefully, within the next month, we can be on a good path.

Lucas, on the other hand, has been a mystery. Prior to moving to Germany, Lucas was, while not a PERFECT sleeper, had gotten into a good routine. Bedtime was breeze; every night at 8pm he went down without a fuss or a peep. Even after transitioning to his toddler bed, we rarely had issue with him getting out of bed prior to falling asleep, and never had issue with him getting up in the middle of the night. He would often sleep until around 7, and in my book, eleven hours of sleep was a success (he was/is also still napping 2-3 hours during the afternoon).

Cue the move. Late nights in a hotel room. Falling asleep whenever he could because of lack of routine (despite best efforts to get him on one) and a HUGE, massive change in time difference. We started off well -- having two rooms in a hotel made a big difference, because we could put him in "his" room while we were still able to stay up. But three hotels and a new home in less than two months has to be confusing for the kid, and as soon we got to our permanent living arrangements, all hell sort of broke loose. Epic battles at bed time. Massive tears. A sudden separation anxiety that still means we are sitting next to his bed at bedtime, because it's the only way he will fall asleep (an improvement from us being in bed WITH him).

Around the same time as the sleep issues surfaced, we started seeing some behavioral issues. The behavioral problems mostly stemmed from an extreme case of hyperactivity, followed by all that comes with it -- an inability to focus on one task for very long, not listening, more energy late at night than is normal for anybody. The initial thought was that maybe he had an early case of ADHD. He fit the bill, mostly, and while I know that toddlers are a handful, the things that he was doing were (and still are) above and beyond the norm for "the terrible twos." I made an appointment for his pediatrician to talk about it, but unfortunately we can't get in for a couple of weeks.

But then I did some research, and I found this article. I also talked with a friend on twitter who is dealing with some behavioral issues of her own with her son. And then it all made sense. OF COURSE his sleep issues would cause behavioral issues. That makes sense, doesn't it? When you don't get consistent GOOD sleep, you start to act a little crazy, don't you? I would imagine (and have witnessed) that it would be multiplied in a toddler.

To give you an idea of what we have been dealing with, Lucas will fight sleep until about 10 or 11 pm at night. Going to sleep on his own is no longer a thing, and he is up just about every single night in the middle of the  night. We resorted to the use of small amounts of melatonin last week, and even then, it might be a couple of hours before he finally falls asleep (and it doesn't keep him from getting up in the middle of the night). He's regularly up around 5am -- sometimes early -- and two nights ago was up at ONE AM and had no intention of going back to sleep. When he does sleep, he tosses and turns, so even when he is asleep, it's not QUALITY sleep. Some nights he only sleeps seven or eight hours, which for you & I is a good nights sleep, but for a two year old, not so much.

So our next step is -- I don't know. The pediatrician, definitely, and I'm hoping that we can get him in before October, because let me tell you -- a toddler that doesn't sleep paired with a baby that doesn't sleep, paired with a husband who is gone makes for some very, very, LONG nights in my house these days. I'm hoping that there is a simple fix to all of this, that doesn't require medicating my toddler for very long. We never wanted an ADHD diagnosis, and while I wait for the doctor appointment, i'm researching other options and ways to deal. Wearing this kid out doesn't work. I could run him ragged all day long (and I often do) and it doesn't make him sleep any better.

Any of you deal with anything like this? What were your results? Ways you coped or handled the situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Salt Dough Ornaments

In an effort to do more things with the kiddo in the coming weeks, I snagged an idea from another friend & decided to make some salt dough ornaments for Lucas to paint. And, because one batch of dough makes more ornaments than he would have needed, we decided to invite some friends over!

Because nothing is more fun than watching toddlers try to paint, amiright? (Insert sarcasm here!)

The recipe was pretty simple:

• 1 cup of salt
• 1 cup of flour
• 1/2 (ish -- give or take) cup of water 

Combine the salt and the flour together, and add water little by little until the dough is well mixed but not sticky. If you feel like it's too sticky, or you added too much water, add a little more flour. The consistency doesn't have to be equally half & half but don't go crazy!

Then, roll it out, bust out your favorite holiday cookie cutters, and go to town! Because we are making ornaments, I used a straw to make a hole for ribbon when all was said and done. You want to bake these on a LOW temperature for a long amount of time; I cooked mine on 200 degrees for 3 1/2 hours. At three hours I pulled them out to check, and the back sides were just a tad soft in the middle so I flipped & cooked for another 30 minutes. When they were done, I put them on some cooling racks & they were perfect!

My girlfriends came over & we busted out the paints for the three little ones to have some fun with. I have to say, it was a blast. The kids enjoyed themselves & played well together after they were finished. For me, it was one of the best mornings I've had in a long time. With so many of our friends having moved away this past year, my inner circle has shrunk significantly, and with not working my adult interaction is typically limited to my husband and my husband alone. I love the guy, but sometimes you just need some time with the girls. It was nice to chat with some other moms about absolutely nothing and just enjoy the company.

And the kids truly did have a great time, which was the whole purpose of the morning! Lucas loves to finger paint, but had never used paint brushes before. As a wannabe artist, I have to say I was proud at how quick he took to it. Like a fish in water! We painted quite a few, and  may have to send one or two off to grandparents for their trees next year. But it was truly a great morning. A super easy craft that took no time at all to prepare for paired with great company -- what more can you ask for?!

Last Moments

A couple of nights ago, Lucas woke up around 1:30/2:00 in the morning with a seriously wet diaper. Well, he never fully woke up, but after about 45 minutes of random fussing, I finally went in to check on him. I reached under him to do a quick feel & he was soaked. At first I thought from sweat, because we had him some fleece footie pajamas, but nope -- wet diaper. Something that hasn't happened in over a year.

Cue quick diaper change, pajama change and some rocking in the glider to get him back to sleep. New pajamas, a blanket, his head resting on my arm & his arms tucked into all the right places, in an instant I was completely overwhelmed with just how BIG my baby had gotten. Where did the time go? As I was rocking him, I could feel new baby kicking away, awake and alert, and I thought to myself, this is all going to change so quick.

I love rocking Lucas to sleep. We don't do it so much anymore, because it's not as needed. Nor does he really want it at night before bed like he used to. Our nighttime routine has gone from rocking for a while to straight into the bedroom & into the crib, otherwise he thinks it's playtime. To say that I miss that chance to be close to him every night is a huge understatement, so while I dread the nights where wake-up's are involved, I love every moment that I get to snuggle him a little tighter than I normally would get to. My boy is a rough and tumble kind of kid, and when he is awake, it is go go go throughout most of the day. So I cherish any chance -- even at 2am -- to just sit there and hold his sleepy little body.

As we have prepared for the arrival of number two, it's becoming more important to me to spend quality time with Lucas. I have to admit, it's getting harder and harder as we near the end, as there are days where getting off the couch proves to be more difficult than you would think. We are also changing up some routines a little bit, involving dad more in things that usually I only do, so that when baby arrives, it's not a sudden change in every time (for example, I put Lucas to bed every night. It's always been our thing because of M's schedule in the past, and something we just continued. But now we alternate nights, because there will be times when I just can't do it because of the newborn). I'm planning more activities in these last weeks, and doing my best to just BE PRESENT as much as I can. I admit that it's hard, when all I want to do is sleep, but it's also important so I'm trying my best.

It's an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Our hearts are so full with so much love, and it's incredibly hard to believe that there is room for one more in that space. Lucas changed my life in so many wonderful ways, and despite normal challenges in raising a newborn/baby/toddler, he's a truly wonderful, smart, well-behaved kid. We are proud of what he is becoming already, the strides he makes every day, and we cannot wait to see what comes in the future. M & I have been discussing quite frequently how this is all going to change & while quite honestly, nothing will really prepare us for it, we do find some peace in how sweet our child is. True, we have our bad days just like the good days, & most of this frustration just comes with being a parent and being a toddler. It's a balancing act we are constantly working on. But man, I cannot tell you enough how lucky we feel. I don't worry one bit about how Lucas will transition with a new baby in the house. We will have our moments, and our days, as we figure out a new routine, & maybe I'm a little naive for thinking that we might have an easier time than others. But he is pretty awesome, and I am loving our time together in these last weeks.

I have had this crazy urge the past few days to just get as many things done as possible, because I don't want to miss out on moments with M & Lucas, ESPECIALLY with Christmas being next week. I have been a woman on a mission to get everything in order for baby's arrival, bags packed for me & Lucas, car seat ready, bassinet good to go, and as many other random things organized around the house as possible. I'll be 37 weeks this week, and while I may be pregnant another five weeks (god I hope not), the reality is that this kid could come at any time. I'm feeling nostalgic for things that haven't even happened yet, and I want this Christmas to be one to remember. I don't want to be stressed out these last weeks with all the things that need to be done. So, I'm just doing them. My husband probably thinks I'm crazy, but when I check the last couple of boxes off  my list this week, I'll be happy to just sit back, relax & snuggle with the guys as much as possible.

Being an Introvert

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately as to what my issue is. The thing with the whole staying at home and being unhappy. How can I fix all of this, make myself happy and OK with my the cards dealt to me, taking care of what I need to take care of, but also taking care of me.   

A friend of mine wrote a great post about being an introvert AND a stay at home mom, and it clicked. YES. To everything she said! THIS IS WHAT MY ISSUE IS. 

I used to be an extrovert. I want to be out all the time. I loved having of a ton of friends and always having plans. But somewhere along the lines -- well before having kids -- that changed. Being home was much better and being around people was just tedious. The extrovert in me became an introvert. Maybe not QUICKLY, but it happened, slowly over time. And here I am. 

I thought that if I got out and met some new people, other moms who were at home, it would make this whole transition easier. Everybody tells me to get out of the house. Join mommy groups. Meet new people. Make friends! But you know what? I don't want to make new friends. Seriously. I wish I had more of my CLOSE friends here with me, but man, I'm 33. Making new friends at this age is tedious, and I am not one to let people into my life very easily anymore (hello, introvert side effect!) I have a couple stay at home moms who are there if I need adult interaction and I think, honestly, that I am good with that. I don't need more people. 

What I NEED, and what Lauren reminded me of, is time to myself. Alone. No husband. No kid. Just me, alone, doing nothing or doing something but SOLO. What I miss about working isn't necessarily the people or the job (although I do miss having a job, for a different reason), it was the office. The office with the door. The door that I could shut and be left alone to FOCUS on a task at hand without fear of interruption. I can't get that focus here. Maybe an hour or two during nap time, but even then it's a mad dash to do what I can while the little one sleeps OR I'm trying to relax but staring at the pile of clothes that should be put away or the floors that need to be mopped. It's not true alone time. 

M has been home a lot lately. He doesn't really have much a job right now, not one that takes up a lot of time at least, so he's always at the house. I love my husband dearly, but I don't do well being around ANYONE 24/7. I thought the adult interaction was something I needed, but the truth of the matter is that I don't even want to talk to HIM when he is home. (I mean, obviously I do. Just not all the time!) As I have gotten older, my alone time has become more valuable. I need it to function and more than just an hour here or there. I need the occasional chunk of time to myself, to refuel and re-energize. Without it, I am a mess. A crabby, cranky, irritable mess who hates the world & everyone around me. I am not a good person when my alone-time bank is empty & these days, my alone-time bank is in the red. 

I know staying at home is tough, and I know so many people would kill to have the opportunity to do this. But every once in a while, I just need a break, as do MOST SAHM's I am sure. M has offered multiple times in the evening to watch Lucas while I leave. The problem is that I never really have anywhere to go, or anything to do. We are on such a tight budget, too, that I can't justify going somewhere & spending money just for the sake of getting out of the house. Our house is so small, that there isn't really an escape here, either. The bedroom is pretty much it, and even then I can hear all the cries and the noise, or he knows where I am so there is constant banging on the door. It's not relaxing. 

So maybe I just need to suck it up and leave the house. Take my drawing books & pens with me and LEAVE. Hit the coffee shop for an hour or so and just draw, knowing that people will leave me alone and just let me do my thing. M is more than capable of handling our routine -- I know this! So it's not a matter of not trusting him to take care of things; it's more a matter of me not wanting to take the time for myself because there is always something else that needs to be done instead. 

Right now, it's 6:38 am. We had a rough night/early morning. I have, essentially, been up since 3:30, more or less. At 5:00 I finally just got out of bed and made some coffee. While I know I will sorely regret this later today, it's been nice, just sitting here the past hour and a half collecting my thoughts. M is gone for at least a couple of hours and hopefully Lucas sleeps for another hour or so. It's so QUIET here right now. The dogs are snuggled up with me and I'm just here. Alone. It's nice. This definitely needs to happen more often, whether here at the house, or out somewhere. 

Now to make it happen. No more excuses. 

Boring Days & Plans for Fun

So, I had all these grand plans of writing more often now that I was home, but I am finding that our days -- at least for now -- are a little mundane. 

We get up. We eat some breakfast. We go to the park or visit friends that are also home. Snack time. Nap time. Then trying to fill the afternoon with activities indoors because it's still too freaking hot to go outside late in the day (seriously. 90 degrees still. WHERE IS FALL?) There really isn't much to talk about just yet. 

During nap time, I try my best to get some things done around the house. My goal this first week was to get my house as clean as possible, and we seem to be moving on a one room a day plan. My toddler, he keeps me busy and as much as I wish accomplishing more during the day was possible, it's just not with him in tow. i love this kid, but man -- he is always on the move. And blogging? Forget about it. At least on a regular basis until I get more on a schedule. 

I am sure there are more things to do around town that wouldn't involve the blazing heat. In fact, I KNOW there are. But I'm a recluse. If it was up to me, we would never leave the house. Ever! With us moving next year, I don't really want to make new friends. I'm happy with the couple that I have that are at home during the day (hi ladies!) and I have found that if we go to the park early enough, nobody else is there. The process that is involved with making new friends at this age is long and tedious & I am just not interested (hi, can we say lone wolf?) 

But, that is not what is best for Lucas. He needs to be around other kids, at least a couple times a week so that he knows he's not the only one. Eighteen months, I'm finding, is a difficult age. There are things we need to work on, like sharing and how to play with other children, that we can't do by ourselves. 

So, I'm trying to find a way to get out of my shell. To not be such an introverted recluse. To find a balance of making myself comfortable (hello couch & yoga pants!) while also making sure that Lucas benefits from my time at home with him. 

Monday I am signing him up for swim lessons. This is something that I have wanted to do with him for a very long time, but there is only one place here in town (a town of 100,000 people) that offered weekends classes. ONE weekend class, to be exact, and it always filled up before I got a chance to sign him up when I was working. But now that I am home, I can take advantage, hopefully, of the week day classes. This will be twice a week & will tucker him out plenty during the day, while also providing him with some outside of the home activities! We are also looking into Story Time at the local library, as well as POSSIBLY some little gym type classes (which are apparently ridiculously expensive. We will see if we can swing it on one budget). Of course there is the playground as well as the occasional play date. 

I know that once this baby arrives around New Year, our time will be a little more limited as we adjust to the new arrival as well as preparing for our impending move. (I REALLY wish I could tell you where we are going! If I have told you ... Shhhh! In time, people. In time!) So it's important to me to take full advantage of this time with Lucas while I have it, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me in the process.