So Here We Are

It's hard to pick up writing again when you haven't done it for so long, but I'm working to get back into the swing of things as I figure out what exactly I want to say, what direction I want to take this blog in, and I guess sort of figure out my life!

But let's get caught up, shall we??

As I previously mentioned, we are back in the states after three WONDERFUL years being stationed in Germany. Our new life landed us here in Colorado, and we could not be happier with where we ended up. Those who know me know that this is the place I always wanted to get back to. My time here during Graduate School was much too short, but when opportunity knocks, you answer, and my opportunity took me out of state.

I have ALWAYS wanted to come back.

Seven hours into a ten hour flight. #BackToTheStatesWeGo

A post shared by Brittany Williams (@thislifewithbrittany) on Jul 1, 2017 at 8:00am PDT

Our end goal was always Colorado. It was where we were going to come after retirement, but the Army got us here sooner, and with only a handful of years left. So this is where we are staying.

I have to say, though, that leaving Germany was not at all what I expected it to be. Colorado is the duty station everybody dreams of, and we were thrilled that this was where we were ending up next. I thought I was going to be happy to leave Germany ... but I wasn't. Being there was bittersweet; we loved everything about the country, and Europe as a whole. The travel was, obviously, amazing. The culture and mindset fit our family. We had wonderful experiences that we will never forget, and I can't wait to dive into that more, and write about the experiences I neglected here in this space.

But, there were so many times where I was lonely and unhappy.  I LOATHED staying home. My husband was gone all the time. It took me a good long while to find my niche and my "tribe" because I had babies, and going out to brunch with the girls wasn't always feasible. But I found them. I learned to be happy there, and we eventually made amazing friends that I cherish and miss terribly.

Suddenly, leaving became extremely difficult.

I cried my way through the airport on our journey home, and for about two months the tears didn't stop. When we moved to Germany, Lucas was just two and a half, and Max was six months old. They were babies, and don't remember life before Germany. They took it just about as hard as I did. They missed their friends, and their school. Poor sweet Lucas spent just about as much time crying as I did, finding the adjustment equally as difficult. What was happening?? The kids, I understood. The only life they remembered had been uprooted -- all of their belongings packed into crates and taken away, not to be seen for two months. An extremely long day of travel. A new house, in a new place, with a new school and a not very friendly new environment (bonus to stairwell living, guys. You will know your neighbors on day one, and will find friends shortly after.)

Took a drive on a very, very long dirt road through the Rockies today. Colorado, you are truly beautiful.

A post shared by Brittany Williams (@thislifewithbrittany) on Jul 4, 2017 at 2:08pm PDT

But me? Why was this so difficult? I was sad. I would call my neighbor from Germany, who had also moved unexpectedly a week before we did and we would just sob with each other. This was exactly where I wanted to be and yet, it wasn't.

I won't lie -- five months into this move, it's still difficult, although getting better. Lucas is finally settled at school and the "I hate it here's" have lessened, however i *truly* thought I would be working by now, and I am not. So here I am, stuck at home most days which isn't ideal, struggling to meet people because that's just how I am. Making friends fast has never been a skill of mine. And SHOCKER, my husband still isn't around. But we are working through it, making the best of it, and I'm messing up left and right as we figure out our new life.

We WILL get there. I didn't expect it to take this long, but every day is better. I still miss Germany. LIKE CRAZY, y'all. I still miss my amazing, wonderful family we adopted during our time there. Nothing can replace that experience, and my mentality is shifting from replacing to creating a new experience. We truly do love it here, and we have an opportunity to raise our boys in a really wonderful community, giving them the outdoor experience that we both love. There is no shortage of things to do here, and we know this is home. I'm learning to be kind to my feelings, but also am working on telling myself to get out of this funk & enjoy everything we have here.

The rest will come in time.

Spent the morning at Garden of the Gods. What a beautiful place. #Colorado

A post shared by Brittany Williams (@thislifewithbrittany) on Jul 23, 2017 at 4:45pm PDT

A Year Later --

It's hard to believe that it's been a year since I last wrote on this space. The story is the same -- life got in the way, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with this space, and in fact, I recently considered deleting it all together.

But life has thrown us an interesting curve ball lately, and I have too much time on my hands. I miss writing, and I miss having a place to put my thoughts down. I don't know who is still out there, or if anybody will even see this, but for my sanity, for the time being  ... I just needed to write.

So here we are. This space is close to my heart, has so much history -- and I don't think I could ever just leave it. So we might as well utilize it.

To catch anybody up, we have been back in the states for about three months now. That's a story for a different day, but we are loving our new duty station and are working on loving our new life. It's been a rough transition, but here we are.

If you're around, say hi!

So ... Where Have I Been?

This space has been so random for so long. Truth be told? I almost deleted it. Wiped it clean and considered starting over somewhere new. But when it came down to it, I couldn't.

I love this space.

It's been mine for many years now, and taken me through so much. Lucas's early life is all here. Max's, not to much. That's my fault, and well, motherhood really. Then we moved, and I just sort of lost control of my life.

I had grand plans of sharing all of our adventures here in Germany (yes, we are still here), but things just didn't go the way I expected them to. Staying at home with two CRAZY, crazy boys is a lot. My husband travels way too much for work, and I sort of found myself in this place where I wasn't really moving. Same things, every day ... over, and over, and over again. Everything I loved sort of fell to the wayside, and I figured out how to much make it through the day.

But I recently decided that enough was enough. It was time to take my life back, as much as I could. Do things that *I* love again, and that includes writing. I did a very poor job these last two years of making time for myself. So enough is enough.

Writing is one of the things I have missed the most. I have always enjoyed it, and for many years, writing here, or my last blog, was cathartic for me. A way to just feel at ease with my life, and spend some time with my thoughts. I look forward to doing that again.

There won't be anything fancy or crazy here. Mostly just me writing. I recently started the Keto Diet, and am loving how easy it is (I should have done this so long ago!) so perhaps some food recipes and such. Pictures of the boys for sure. But mostly me, taking my life back.

Thanks for sticking around, those of you who have. I'm glad to be back. 

Work in Progress

I don't even know if anybody is still around, but .... I miss writing.

More to come, my friends, but I am in the process of making some changes, and working on writing again. If you have stuck around, are still following, and still checking in, I appreciate you.

Ignore the mess for now, while I adjust and fix some aspects. I should be up and running by next week.

xoxo

Brittany

Ten

This is the tenth post I've written in 2015.

Ten.

This is shameful.

I've been contemplating what to do with this space for so long. Life these days is insane. I mean, an almost two year old and a three and a half year old, both currently home all day with me, leaves little time for much of anything. Earlier this year I quit Jamberry and transitioned into being a Presenter with Younique, with a mindset of "all in." Between the boys, and the business, and the husband, it doesn't leave much time for anything else. But if I'm being honest, it makes me sad.

I miss writing.

Last year when we moved here, I had this grand intention of turning this into a travel blog, mixed with Parenting nuggets, and still, in the back of my head, I want to do these things! But do I get caught up on all the travels we've taken this past year? Do I just start from scratch and fill in where I can? Do you REALLY want to read about what terrors my two toddler boys are? IS ANYBODY STILL EVEN OUT THERE? As it stands, I have one sitting at my feet, tugging on my sweater, crying his eyes out. Because it's been two whole minutes since I glanced his way. I'm sure having toys flung in my direction is coming next. THIS IS WHAT I DEAL WITH.

I'm just not sure. I love this space, and it's been mind for so long now, that I can't bring myself to abandon it completely. But at the same time, I am sure most of you have already moved on and forgotten. Which is my fault. I really, really want to make more time for writing.

I'm hoping some things change in the new year -- school for the boys, for starters, giving me a few hours a day of time to take care of ME and the things I miss/love. But, that's not a guarantee in the near future. But man, I really miss writing. I just really don't know where to go from here.

Stay tuned ... I guess.

Hi There.

Well .... hi.

Oh man. Three months? THREE. That's ... a lifetime in the blogging world. Is anybody even still out there anymore? Probably like, two of you. Hi.

Man, you guys ... life. In so many ways. I can't even begin to wrap my head around what has happened to us since APRIL, and I probably won't even try. There are days where I think I need to just stop with this blog, but there are other parts of me that find writing so therapeutic that I want to keep it. Also? I am enjoying getting our travels down, even if it is six months later.

So we are just going to jump right in. What has happened since April? First off, Lucas turned three. THREE. Technically in March, but I never wrote about it, so here we are. I have so much writing to do, and I most definitely want to get that down. So I will. So I currently have an almost 18 month old and an almost 3 1/2 year old, and my life is insane with these two.

Solo parenting. I do this a lot. A LOT. More than anybody realizes, because I never talk about it. Probably the only two people who know how often my husband is gone is my husband. And then probably my Mom after that. I really need to find some more play groups and meet some more I people, because man ... all the loneliness that comes with being solo all the time is wearing me down.

My mom. She's moving back to the states. Like, next week. I can't even write about this because I get choked up, but this past year here with us has been so wonderful. For me. For her. For the boys. But right now, I can't talk about that, so I'll come back to that one eventually. You know, six months from now ;)

I wish I could say that these past three months have been filled with amazing stories and wonderful adventures -- and yes, they have! A little bit! We visited Garmisch, which is an insanely gorgeous region in Southern Germany. We spent five days in Italy. We've seen castles and hikes and explored more of our own area. I still love it here so much. But, I also have two CRAZY children, who suck every bit of life force out of me during the day! Most days, it's a struggle to get out of bed and get going. I want to sleep. They want to run a marathon. At 5:30 a.m. But, you know, coffee & concealer! (Maybe that's what I should name my blog?? Ha!)

As always, I'm going to vow to write more. If only for my sanity. The mommy shuffle get's exhausting sometimes, doesn't it? It's a hard balance trying to do what I need for me, and doing what I need to do for my family. I'm a work in progress. Toddler years are hard, man. But, here's hoping I'm around a lot more often.

xoxo

Salzburg, Austria

Ok so one of my goals is to be MUCH better about blogging, and getting things up in a timely manner. DEFINITELY plan to get posts up quicker when it comes to our trips, because really, I love sharing our experiences here!

So -- SALZBURG! Gorgeous, gorgeous Austria.

Home to the Sound of Music, in all it's glory. This was a total nerd trip that my mom and I took over a weekend back in November. We had been wanting to go somewhere together, so we left Lucas with my husband for the weekend, packed up the baby and made the insanely gorgeous drive to Austria for a long weekend. Now, my husband loves to travel as much as the next person, but we have very different ideas of "vacation" (HIM: I want to sit in the hotel or resort and sleep/eat/drink/do nothing. ME: We have to do ALL THE THINGS! EVER!) and as this one was more of a sight seeing trip, it was the perfect one for me & my mom. Plus -- THE SOUND OF MUSIC!

I had been to Salzburg before, in High School when I came to Europe for a month, and I very much remember it being one of my favorite destinations during that trip. I was so excited to get back, spend some more time there, and do some wonderful sightseeing. If you haven't been to Salzburg before, or haven't ever thought of going, I'm going to change your mind. Not only is it gorgeous, but the history is amazing. So many historical figures come from Salzburg (most notably, Mozart, and if you are interested, you can tour his home while you are there, as well as see the other home that he was born in). Obviously, the largest tourist draw to Salzburg is the Sound of Music. The movie was filmed here, and is based (very, very loosely, we found out) on the famous Von Trapp family. I mean like, VERY loosely. I don't want to burst your Sound of Music bubble (because mine definitely was busted) but a few key things we learned were that the timeline was way off. Also, the Von Trapp family didn't flee Austria. They eventually left, but of their own free will and with no threat to them. ALSO, if they HAD actually flown Austria over the mountain like they did in the movie, they would have walked straight into Eagles Nest. Aka, Hitlers palace. So. There you have it.

With that said, when we were booking our place to stay, I did a quick search and found out that the original Von Trapp home WAS NOW A BED AND BREAKFAST. You guys -- we stayed in Maria's suite -- the rooms that she lived in while she was teaching the children. Where she slept & spent her personal time. And probably even better? Where (we found out as we were leaving) Julie Andrews had also spent the weekend just two weeks prior, as she was there celebrating her birthday. It was gorgeous, the food was wonderful, and even though we were about ten minutes by car from the main historical area, it was worth the experience and to be able to say we stayed at the original Von Trapp Villa. Despite my bubble being burst, I'm still a nerd, and still love the movie.

The hiiillllllssss are alliiiivvveeeeeeeeeeeee ..... sorry, I digress.

Salzburg itself is so amazingly beautiful. The historical district sits on a river, and has wonderful shopping and food. My mom & I did a LOT of walking over two days. One of the things that I love best about my mom when traveling with her is that she wants to do it all & see it all, much like myself! We found some amazing shops, ate yummy food, drank some good wine and both left feeling like we saw everything that we needed to see. If you do go to Salzburg, I do recommend the hop on/hop off bus. This was a great way to see the city over a large distance. Plus it gives you the ability to get off at a sight you are interested in, check it out, and then head elsewhere. This was especially helpful for us as it was a) cold and b) I had Max with me. He would nap on the bus and it would give me a break from carrying his chunky butt around! The tour also covered alot of information about the Sound of Music, and took you to many of the main sights in the movie.

Once we had explored most of the main historic area, we took the elevator up the hill, and landed ourselves with an amazing view of the city and the river. We walked, found an old castle and ate some great food (and wine, of course! Always wine!)

I love Salzburg, and ideally would like to get back there again before we move away from this amazing place, but I am glad that we were able to see it, and that my mom was able to do so with me! Of all the things we have done so far while living here, this was one of my favorites. If you ever get a chance to go, do so! It truly is gorgeous!

Plans & Such

Hey guys!

Man, ok so, one of my big goals these coming months is to take more time for myself. I REALLY miss writing. I have a very, very good friend (one of the best ones I have!) who writes over at Raising Chaos. She writes an occasional series called Monday Morning Coffee Date and it has really inspired me to just WRITE like I used to. Have a conversation and try to be less calculated about all of this. That was never my forte anyways. So -- I miss writing. I miss getting words to paper, so to speak. I want to write more, and I've taken a step back on some other social media platforms, so I need to get things down somewhere! Let's do it.

We have had a LOT going on in our household lately. Max turned one. Lucas turned three. My husbands job keeps him busy. Lucas started a new pre-school, so there is a lot of running around that goes with that. We also potty-trained Lucas, which is another blog post that will be up soon. Because man -- potty training. BLAH.

One of the things I am excited about is starting tomorrow, I will be doing 21-Day fix and starting fresh with T25 workouts. I started the workouts a couple of weeks ago, but Max & I got derailed with some food poisoning (while my husband was out of town, no less. Isn't that always how it happens?) So I'm starting over, have an awesome Coach who will be pushing me along the way, and a couple other friends who are joining me on the journey. My brother is getting married this fall, and I want to look my best. I have a LONG road ahead of me, with a goal of a 60 pound weight loss. It seems daunting and scary and a little overwhelming, but I'm determined. Has anybody else done either of these before? How was your success? Share your stories (and favorite recipes!) with me in the comments! Either way, I'm looking forward to it. My goal is to post my meals, photos and workouts every week to keep me accountable! Feel free to check in with me. I'm happy to share.

Aside from that, we are still loving it here. We have some great travel plans coming up -- Garmisch, a weekend in Switzerland, Lithuania later in the year -- and I have some catching up to do on trips we've taken the past few months (slacker!). Be on the lookout. We are inching closer and closer to the end of our first year here, which is so hard to believe. I can't believe how fast we have gone, how much we have done but at the same time, how little we have done. We are going to make the most of this next year here!

How are you doing? Looking forward to being around more!

Keepin' It Real: The Emotional Turmoil of Being a SAHM

A few weeks ago, I was at the grocery store with the kids when I inadvertently ran into somebody that I kind of knew. We weren't friends, but knew of each other through other groups. She of course looked pristine, put together, HAD PROBABLY SHOWERED. Her kid was dressed and was sitting perfectly quiet in the shopping cart.

Me, on the other hand, looked a little something like this: yoga pants that I'm sure hadn't been washed in a week (or longer.) Hair was messy as hell and barely situated on top of my head. No makeup. Old (probably maternity) shirt that had a hole in it. Ugg boots. I most definitely had not showered any time in the recent past. My kids? Screaming at the top of their lungs and fighting over the steering wheels in the "race car" cart. Did I mention that it was well past noon? The look on her face was somewhere between disgust and pity. Needless to say, we didn't talk long, Or really at all. I think we exchanged pleasantries and moved on. Who could blame her? I was a hot fucking mess.

The sad truth to this is that it wasn't just a bad day. That scenario I described is almost every single day of my life. My kids are shitty sleepers. I'm often up multiple times a night, and typically up for good by 6am. Lucas has been anti-nap for quite a while now, and even on the rare occasion when I can get him to take one, it's NEVER at the same time as Max. My husband's job means lots of travel, which equates to solo parenting for weeks at a time. By the time the kids go to bed (sometimes 10pm after a two hour fight with my oldest) WHO WANTS TO SHOWER WHEN YOU CAN SLEEP? Not this girl.

If you do a search on Pinterest, or google, or wherever, for life as a SAHM, you'll quickly find that most of these blogs or articles are filled with ways to stay busy. How great it is. Or how to make money (for reals). How to apply flawless makeup (FOR REALS). Budgets! Crafts! The usual. But very rarely (I had to dig deep) did I find anything about the emotional turmoil that comes with being at home with small kids. Something HONEST. I mean, there were a few, but typically it was paired with an article about giving yourself a break (which you should), letting go, not worrying (easier said than done) and about how just being present for your kids is the most important thing. Which, is all true, but doesn't solve the problem of finding the time for everything else that needs to be accomplished on the daily, or more importantly, finding time for yourself. There's a trifecta in parenthood -- clean house, happy kids, your sanity -- and it's completely impossible to have all three at once.

But, I'm all about keepin' it real, so let's do just that, shall we? When we made the decision for me to stay at home, Lucas was about 18 months old, and I was about six months pregnant with Max. We knew we would be PCS'ing, and shortly after I left my job we found out we were coming here. Since that decision, it has been a challenge. I won't lie in saying that I would much rather be working. But where we are, this isn't necessarily an option, and that's fine! So we make the best of the situation (and being able to pick up and travel all over Europe at the drop of a hat isn't a bad perk to being here!). But here's the truth -- being here, at home, all day (and often alone) is hard. It's taxing on my emotions. It's exhausting. It's isolating. There is very little escape. Day in and day out, my life is about somebody else. Obviously, this comes with the territory of having kids, and I don't regret that. But I will also admit that it's not always ideal.

My days are often filled with every emotion imaginable. On any given day I feel like a volcano waiting to erupt, with only an egg shell to keep me together. When my husband comes home, or calls at the end of the day and asks me how my day went, I can feel that eggshell start to crack and it takes everything I have to keep it together. My kids, man, are busy. Lucas is a particular challenge, and I spend a good part of the day defending his brother from him. This is an issue that I am not sure how to deal with, and I don't know if it's normal boy toddler behavior, but the maliciousness towards Max is rampant. Dealing with it is exasperating. Max is still up nightly, anywhere between one and three times during the course of an evening. Lucas hates naps, hates bedtime, and fights me on everything. Hour long tantrums in our household are the norm. Our preschool teacher back in NC once referred to Lucas as "the cutest little hurricane you've ever seen." Because that's what he is. A hurricane. Max, I am afraid, is not far behind him. My heart alters between undying love for my children and wanting to run far, far away as fast as is humanly possible. It's a roller coaster of feelings, and let me tell you -- that will wear a person down.

Nobody wants to hear you complain about your kids. This is the stuff that dreams are made of, right? If I do take to the usual platforms to complain or vent, it's often replied to by remedy's. Or personal tales of how their kids don't do those things.

Or just ... crickets.

But here's the truth, and, I know some won't like this -- I don't necessarily want to hear about how GREAT your kids are, either, and how much you love it, what wonderful, stress free days you have. At least not ALL THE TIME. Am I happy for you that it's so easy? Sure. But do I think you're being 100% truthful? No way. So therein lies a massive problem in the SAHM community; we isolate moms who may be having a tough time, and who may be struggling emotionally in the home because we glorify life AS a stay-at-home-mom. Who wants to talk about how you got bitched slapped by your three year old when somebody else is talking about what a wonderful, calm and educational environment you have created at home? I have yet to meet the perfect infant or toddler, yet so many out there pretend that life is, in fact, perfect. So why speak up if we are struggling when we know we will just be met with those glaring eyes at the grocery store when we can't get it together? I don't want your perfection anywhere near me, judging me for not having showered in a week & thinking I am ungrateful for the experience handed to me.

Plain and simple, I don't want your sympathy. I want your empathy. I don't want you to say "I'm sorry you are dealing with that. We don't have that problem." I want you to say "Dude, my kid was an asshole the other day, too. I UNDERSTAND."

It's safe to say that life is not all bad. We have a lot of great moments, snuggle sessions and activities that fill our days. It's easy, however, to let the bad overshadow the good. My worst days are the days that I am here, alone, for long stretches with out any reprieve, and I don't have anybody to help me with the mutiny that is always brewing. That's when my glorious babysitter steps in, or the hourly daycare place I drive 45 minutes to just for a break from have two hellions running around the house. Or my sweet, sweet husband who sends me to the grocery store along (BLISS) on the weekends he is here and on occasion, my mom who can make it over for a weekend or so. I live for bedtime and the silence that comes with it, and I dread the morning when I know it's the beginning of another marathon I'm not always sure I can endure.

So here is my advice to you; hug a stay-at-home-mom. Or just, you know, A MOM IN GENERAL. Especially the ones with multiple littles. Open yourself up. Be honest. Even if your life is perfect, LIE. Try to relate to the struggles that someone may be going through, because sometimes, all we need to do is get it out. Keeping this mess locked up inside us doesn't help anybody, and one day, that egg shell is going to break, exposing the volcano that is a mental & physical breakdown. Parenting is really fucking hard, and by keeping your experience to yourself just for the sake of saving face, you push away those close to you that may need an outlet. Don't be pretentious. Don't be perfect. Just be real.

And for god's sake -- bring her wine.

Max: One Year

Dear Max,

It's hard to believe that you are a now a year old. In fact, you have been a year old for just over two weeks now, and I still don't want to accept the fact that you are not my tiny little baby anymore (not that you were ever TINY!)

I don't even know where to begin when talking about all the wonderful and amazing ways you have brought joy to our lives this past year. There is no denying that we have a rough start, and a tough first six months. But through all of it -- RSV, persistent sickness as a result, adjusting to an international move and all the complications and upheaval that came with it -- you remained constantly happy and a true light in our lives. I have never met a happier baby, and even through the tough times, you shined.

You are SO HAPPY. All the time! (Ok, mostly all the time!) Your smile is so big and genuine. You light up at any new person that enters the room, and you truly are a social butterfly (except when you are just waking up, much like your mama. And I do love those snuggles). You are STUBBORN, just like your brother, and boy do you have an opinion already. Heaven forbid we take something away from you that you want to have, or give you something you don't want. You make it very well known what your stance is, and I hope that trait never leaves you. You have the most wonderful laugh, and an even bigger smile. You talk CONSTANTLY, and since you started walking around 10 month, you have not stopped. You are busy, and I think sometimes your feet can't keep up with how fast you want to move (the bumps on your head prove it!)

You are BIG. I mean, a really big baby! Twenty-seven pounds and almost off the charts in every percentile. Which is good for you, because you are finally able to push back when your big brother starts getting a little rough (we are working on it, I promise). You eat just about everything we put in front of you, and man can you put back some food. It constantly amazes me how much you can fit into your tiny little belly. You rarely turn things down, but have definitely started to show favorites towards some foods.

You are a HORRIBLE sleeper. I mean, really really bad. I blame everything that we had going on this past year, and not being able to get you into a good routine when sleep routines were setting in. But it is what it is, and I keep hoping for the day when you decide to sleep through the night, and not wake me up 1-3 times. But we love the late night snuggles, even if it means lack of sleep, because you love them, too. I love the way you cling to my neck, and you give the sweetest hugs & kisses. You love to snuggle, love to sleep with us when you don't want to sleep on your own, and are so happy to be CLOSE to somebody else.

Your words are still limited to Mama & Dada, but you love to wave bye bye, clap your hands, and (Daddy's Favorite) give some sweet high fives. You LOVE it when Daddy chases you around the house trying to catch you, and you love it even more when he carries you on your belly, flying you around as you chase big brother. I'm also pretty sure you are going to be as obsessed with cars as Lucas is, as they are typically your go-to toy of choice, driving them around the floor and giggling the entire time.

Thank you for being such a joy in our life, and the lives of so many others. You are loved by a large group of family and friends, and you have made OUR lives so wonderful & completed our family in the best way possible. We love you, and I cannot wait to see what this next year brings us.

The REAL Issue With Leggings Isn't the Leggings.

I wasn't going to comment on this, not here at least, but I kept seeing posts about it, reading the original blog, had a discussion with my husband, and having friends message me about it, so I figured, why not. I mean, I ALWAYS have an opinion, and this is right up my alley. This will probably be the most controversial post you'll ever get from here in this space.

If you've been living in a social media black hole for the past few days (which is possible. I know a shocking number of people who don't have facebook) then you have may have missed the post by Veronica Partridge, a Pastors wife from Oregon. The post, "Why I Chose To No Longer Wear Leggings" has been shared almost 100,000 times across social media platforms. You can find the original post here, and her follow up post here.

If you don't feel like reading, here is the short version of the story: Veronica liked to wear leggings, leggings cause lustful thoughts in men (her husband included), so therefore, no more leggings or yoga pants in public.

Seems pretty ridiculous, right?

I won't touch on the religious aspect of this, because her beliefs are just that -- hers. I don't agree, and I really don't think God has any opinion on leggings or yoga pants or ANY type of clothing for that matter, but we don't exactly have a relationship, and so therefore that's all I will say on the matter. However, what struck me the most, aside from the complete asinine premise of this whole notion, is this particular statement:

I also want to set the best example of how to dress for my daughter. I want her to know, her value is not in the way her body looks or how she dresses, but in the character and personality God has given her.

OK, so does anybody else see how incredibly contradictory that statement is, when compared to the actions that she is deciding to take? Here's the thing -- by telling your daughter that she shouldn't wear something because somebody might look at her and think that she is beautiful, or looks nice because of an outfit choice she decided to make on one particular day, she is telling her daughter that her character is NOT the most important thing, that her looks are the forefront of what every man  thinks, and that her personality will never come first.

What I have been saying to friends & my husband (who, man I love him, agrees with me 100%) is that it is not our responsibility as woman to try and control the thoughts of men. We, as humans, are sexual beings. It's in our nature. Our DNA. We are put here on Earth by whatever force or being you believe in, to do great things. But we also have a NATURAL, sexual drive within us. And it's OK. There is nothing wrong with that. I do not understand this mentality of shutting out this natural THING within us.  When it comes down to it, it's always going to be more than leggings or yoga pants. Men are visual creatures, are they not? I mean, that's a pretty basic fact I'm sure we are all aware of. If a guy wants to sneak a peek as he's walking by, he wouldn't be the first. I'm not going to lie, I rock the HELL out of some yoga pants basically every single day of my life. In fact, I just spent a ridiculous amount of money on a new pair because ohmygosh they are insanely comfortable. I also stay at home, with two small kids, and comfort when rolling around on the ground and chasing them down the hallway is of the utmost importance. Yes -- they get worn out in public, and yes, I know that my husband happens to like my booty in yoga pants. And probably leggings if I ever wore them. But it goes both ways -- does she never leave the house? Never make eye contact with any other individual who isn't a woman? Never watch movies? I bet she would be lying if she said she never saw Channing Tatum without his shirt and thought "daaaaaamn."

But all jokes aside, where do we stop? Should we as women stop wearing low cut shirts? Or even form-fitting shirts in general? What about tight jeans (which you will notice in the original posts, the author has ZERO problems wearing jeans that are basically as tight as the leggings I'm sure she wears. Even though she states in her follow-up it's not the same). Should we stop wearing makeup because it makes us feel pretty? Or stop doing our hair? Or wearing bathing suits? Or dressing, in general, to what we feel makes us look good? There are people out there who find ALL of these things attractive -- so where do we stop? Because you can't pick ONE item, one thing that you think is the only thing that makes you attractive to others, and then decide to not wear it anymore. Well, I mean, you can. But not without examining all other aspects of the conversation.

When we push this line of thinking all the way to the extreme, we very quickly find that this is why countries, religion, men force the women of their culture to wear burqas or hijabs in public. 100% coverage when you could possibly be around other men. So obviously this would stop the sexualization and "lusting," correct? Wrong. Women are still taken advantage of. They are still seen as objects. Rape. Still. Happens.

So how about this. WHAT IF, instead of shaming women (even though that was not her intention) for wearing clothing that makes them feel good, or is comfortable, we have a discussion about what we are teaching men. WHAT IF, we all worked on raising our boys to the best of our ability. Let's TEACH THEM that it is not our responsibility as women to change our behavior because a man may decide to take advantage of the way we look, or act. It IS our responsibility to teach our children (boys AND girls) to respect others. To treat them kindly. That women (and men) are not objects, but that there is nothing wrong with a little bit of sexuality, either. And that's all I see here in her posts, that instead of teaching children responsibility, we are teaching them to close the door to a natural part of being HUMAN. I can only hope that I raise my two boys to be respectful of the women around them, and I am so grateful that I have a husband who also truly believes that mentality. It's way past time for women to stop apologizing for the things that they wear, for feeling and being attractive, and in general, just being themselves. It's also way past time that we hold men responsible for their own actions. I know our family will do the best we can to raise our boys right.

THIS is the discussion that needs to be happening in our culture right now. Not whether leggings or yoga pants are inappropriate. Because when you raise respectful young men, then having to worry about what you wear doesn't matter.

Prague, Czech Republic

Last November (ugh, I know), the family and I took off to Praque for a long weekend. We had a few days before M had to leave for another work trip, so we booked a hotel and made the four hour drive East to the Czech Republic!

What a BEAUTIFUL city.

Praque has, for the longest time, been a dream destination for me. There is something so fascinating about Eastern European culture, and the photos I had seen through the years were always so amazingly beautiful. I was excited to pack up and head over, exploring as much of the city as I could (and as two small children and a husband would allow!) The people were nice, loved kids (much different than Germany!) the food was excellent and the beer was great.

I was not disappointed, but I also have to say that two and a half days was not nearly enough time to see everything that I wanted to see. The city is large, and while we did see a great deal, we didn't see it all. But all that means is that a trip back is most definitely in order.

We stayed at a hotel about a mile from Old Town. We most likely could have stayed closer (well, yes -- we could have) but parking was a big thing for us, as we had heard multiple times that car theft was a big deal there. In an attempt to play it "better safe than sorry" we chose a hotel with a secure parking garage. Also, as it was our first overnight trip out of town, we weren't ready to tackle apartment living for a weekend! (We have since changed our minds about that!). It meant a little bit of a walk to see the things we wanted to see, but it also meant burning off the calories from all that yummy food!  The weather was a bit gloomy (as you can see from the photos) but not cold. We were able to walk around without jackets for the most part, which was nice. I would love to get back during the Spring when the weather is a little better, and get some prettier photos!

Charles Bridge. The Palace. Old Town. There were so many amazing things. Traveling with two small kids provides it's own challenges, but the kids were troopers being out and about most of the day in the stroller or carrier. On our way back down from the palace, we found these ahhhhmazing treats called Chimney Cakes and oooh man, you guys. I need to find these again because they were doughy, cinnamony, sugary goodness. Fresh off the oven that they cook them on, it was an awesome snack on our way back down the hill. 

Prague offers so many museums as well, another reason I want to get back. The Czech Republic has such a amazing history, and in the grand scheme of things hasn't been a democratic country for very long. But the people truly were amazing and helpful. I look forward to getting back before our time here is up!

Germany: Six Months

The beginning of January marked our six month anniversary of being in Germany. Whoa! It's hard to believe that we have been here that long, but at that the same time it feels like we have been here forever. Or forever-ish.

I have a feeling I will say this often, but I am so happy to be here. We have done so many amazing things in such a short amount of time, and have learned so much just from being here. Our kids are growing up in such a wonderful environment, and I cannot wait for what's to come our time here. We have been so lucky to have seen as much as have! 

I will admit, though, it doesn't quite feel like home yet. We are still in shambles in spots of our home (old dresser for a TV stand, anyone? A few lingering boxes hanging out in the laundry room?) but as time goes on, we are making an effort to make this space more "ours." New bookshelves for books and photo frames. Family photos up on the wall. Plants that I haven't managed to kill just yet (don 't worry. Give it time.) All the little things that add up. But we are getting there, and will continue to make momentum, AND, just as we are leaving we will say "this place finally feels like home." Ha!

We haven't been without our fair share of small (and I mean teeny-tiny) hurdles to overcome. Services here are lacking just a tad. Daycare for Lucas? A nightmare. Even getting him into a preschool on the German economy has been difficult. We make do, though, and I am grateful for the amazing babysitter we have. Also? Stairwell living? NOT for the faint of heart. We have been lucky in that most of our neighbors are awesome, but there is always one, ya know, who makes life difficult.

I will admit, though, that even with it still very much feeling like a vacation at times, there are very few things I miss about being back in the states. Don't get me wrong, I definitely miss some things -- a garbage disposal, having our own house/yard, easy access to my BFF that doesn't require a nine hour time difference, football at normal hours of the day, drive through (I'M LOOKING AT YOU, STARBUCKS) -- but overall this experience has been wonderful. CHALLENGING. But wonderful. It's simply amazing to me all the opportunity that has been provided to us since we have been here. We have been to France twice. Spent five days in Paris. We have seen Prague, Salzburg (Austria) and Luxembourg. The husband has traveled to a couple of places on his own for work, and we get to have discussions about places like Israel and Spain in the near future. Not to mention that the Stuttgart area is simply gorgeous with so much to offer that we didn't have available back in North Carolina. The introvert in me has been slowly but surely making some new friends, and the kids are having this amazing opportunity to grow up in a culture that is so different than it would be back home in the states. Our views and beliefs mesh so well with the culture of Germany, and Europe in general, and we love having this amazing opportunity. And the food? Oh man. The food alone is worth being here! (And maybe the beer. And the wine.)

We miss our friends & family like crazy, and I would at times like to hear some music on the radio that *isn't* Top 40. Ahem. But, you know, sacrifices. I am looking forward to 2015 in so many ways. We live in an amazingly beautiful area of this country, and we cannot wait to explore more in the coming months! The cold, wet weather doesn't keep us from getting out too much, but I am definitely looking forward to Spring & Summer just a tad!

Happy New Year!

I know we are a good week into the new year, and I know I haven't exactly put much down in the last two month (eeek!) but ... new year, new goals, right? Big priority? More writing.

The reason for the radio silence is just plain exhaustion mixed with a busy schedule! Oh, and the holidays always throw a giant wrench into any sort of stability, am I right? Then, there is also the giant writers block that has been looming over my head. I have had plenty of ideas and topics that I have been wanting to get down, but they either seem to extensive to finish, or not appropriate for this space. This is something I am working on. But regardless, it's been a great two months. I have so many posts to catch up on, including our travel adventures (Prague! Austria! PARIS!) and I am looking forward to actually getting some words on paper. Or, you know -- this space here!

But -- Happy New Year! I cannot believe that 2015 is already upon us. 2014 was a long, difficult year for us, for many reasons, so I know for certain that we are looking forward to a new beginning and a fresh start. I stopped making tangible resolutions sometime ago, but as in years past, I do want to continue to work on being a better, more positive and uplifting person as this year carries on, and to be more compassionate overall to those around me & in my life. I've taken a step back from some of my social media interactions, for the simple fact that it's sad to see so much animosity and downright hatred towards perfect strangers on so many different forums. Our society hides behind the walls of our computer screens, and as a result, we are so quick to attack others for things we don't agree with, or simply don't like. Compassion seems to be a thing of the past, and a true skill that I don't see many people in this world possessing anymore.

How much energy does it take to spew all that hatred in the form of words, when it would be easier to just ignore, walk away, block or unfollow? All that negativity -- it brings me down, man. (For the record, this isn't about anybody in particular. Just a trend I have been seeing. I mean, have you read the comments section of ANY news article lately? Stay. Away. From the comments. Always!) This is my mantra for 2015. You cannot have a positive life, living with a negative frame of mind. So whose with me?? Change your attitude, and I promise you will see a change to your life.

Aside from this, I have big plans for this year. More time for myself. Less guilt for doing so. A mission to be more creative on a more regular basis. Taking my business to the top. Being a better wife, a better mother, a better friend to those who have been good to me. Surrounding myself with more good than I know what to do with. Travel, travel, travel! Overall -- making this year simply amazing. What are your goals? Your plans? Are you a resolution maker? Or do you just try to live a certain frame of mind?

Halloween

Our first Halloween in Germany is officially in the books! I can't tell you enough how much fun we had this year, our little family of four.

Because we live on post, and therefore live in stairwell apartments, ever set up tables outside there stairwell entrance and hands out candy. We met up with a few other families and did things pot-luck style, while we took turns taking the kids trick-or-treating. This was Lucas's first real Halloween, and we really had a blast!

I have to say, Lucas won't wear a costume. He has a few minor sensory issues that we are positive he will eventually outgrow, and the kid is the cleanest in the world when it comes to doing crafts because he doesn't like his hands to get dirty. A costume was completely out of the question but we so badly wanted to take him trick-or-treating, knowing he would understand things a little better, so, we sort of had to work with what we had and get a little creative this year!

I introduce to you, Albert Einstein!

I seriously am dead from the cuteness of his costume this year. DEAD! It was such a hit! I honestly didn't think it would work out as well as it did, but when we realized an actual costume was out of the question, we tried to come up with some other plans. And I mean, that hair!! What else were we going to do? It was a little brilliant, and everybody got a good chuckle out of it. Plus, he rocked it!

We spent about an hour and a half walking around the buildings near our house, and while Lucas was a little hesitant at first, he eventually got the hang of it, especially once he realized that when he said "trick or treat!" it resulted in candy in his bag! He loved hitting all the candy stations & tables, and we loved walking around with him. It was so sweet, and everybody was so nice. Our neighborhood in North Carolina was a DUD for Halloween, so it was truly fun to see so many kids running around in great costumes, to see other parents having fun, PLUS we got to eat some really great food with some pretty great company!

Don't worry, Max was there, too!

He didn't care about the costume, and was more than happy to just observe all the craziness & people watch. He hung out in his stroller, at some mac & cheese for dinner and generally enjoyed all the shenanigans. He was the cutest pumpkin ever!

We really did have such a wonderful evening, even post trick-or-treating, spending the evening with our upstairs neighbors. The kids had a blast, and we had a great time with friends. We have vowed that next year we will deck out our stairwell and man our own table, but it was nice to spend some time with friendly faces. A very successful Halloween as a family of four!

Life with RSV

When Max was two weeks old, he was diagnosed with Respiratory Syncytial Virus (RSV). Lucas had gotten a bad case of croup Max's first week, which resulted in a night in the emergency room for him. It wasn't long after that Max had a cold, despite our best efforts to keep the two away from each other. When things got worse, we took him to the pediatrician, and he tested positive for the virus.

He was immediately admitted to the hospital. A few days prior, my father-in-law had passed away, and M was in Portland taking care of his family business. My mom had flown in from Germany for a week to help me out with new baby and crazy toddler, and the timing could not have been any better. A very, very sweet & good friend took Lucas for us, and my mom & I tag-teamed a two day hospital visit. To this day, I am still forever grateful for those two, because I don't know what I would have done with M gone, and me being completely alone with both kids. It was bad timing, all of it, but my amazing mom & amazing friend made it all a little easier to manage.

We were very lucky in that our visit was only two days long. If you aren't familiar with RSV, it is an infection of the lungs, which causes breathing problems in both infants and adults. As an adult, when you catch it, it may seem like just the common cold. You might get a runny nose, sore throat, fever, and just generally feeling blah. But in an infant, small air ways that are constricted and blocked can cause serious problems. When a baby has to struggle to breath, eventually they may just ... stop. Because they get tired, they may or may not decide to START breathing again. During our hospital stay, Max was given respiratory treatments every 3-4 hours, around the clock, until we were discharged.

The next six months were rough, to put it mildly. Our treatment continued at home with a nebulizer and every week until he was two months old we were back in the pediatrician's office. Every single time we took him in because of reoccurring breathing issues, I dreaded the test results, and the news that the RSV was back again. Luckily for us that day never came again, and when we made it from two months to three months without a visit, we considered it a success, but in between, and ever since coming home from the hospital, it was long days and nights. Every time Max got sick, it was breathing treatments every four hours, around the clock, for two or three days. Then a pediatrician visit to test for RSV, followed by a couple more days of 24-hour treatments. Every time any of us had even a small cough, or runny nose, it turned into a full blown respiratory issue for Max. Lucas was in preschool, and is, you know, a toddler. Which meant germs. We did our best to keep them at bay (lots and LOTS of hand-sanitizer) by going to high levels of caution, but we weren't always successful.

I hated taking him anywhere. I stayed home and avoided unnecessary trips. Anywhere we went in public, I worried about what kind of germs were flying around. I wouldn't let my friends' older kids hold him, and short of making them take a shower and put on a hazmat suit, I let very few of our adult friends hold him, either. It was stressful, because it never took much. We would get him healthy and within a couple of days, he would be sick again. If we went a whole week without using the nebulizer, it was a damn miracle. Eventually we moved to two different steroid treatments, which helped prolong the "healthy" periods. They didn't make things perfect, or CURE him by any means, but they helped.

Did I mention that through all of this, I was exclusively pumping? I was exhausted. All the time. It was an incredibly trying time. We continued to struggle with the RSV backlash up until we were leaving for Germany. And let me tell you ... an eight hour overseas flight, with hundreds of people breathing the same nasty air? We all got sick immediately upon arrival into the country. Including Max. Because of the voltage difference, I blew out our nebulizer (this is where my husband would say "I told you so!") but luckily, even being only two or three days in-country, our new clinic was able to get us a 220v version. The treatments continued our first week here, and we weathered through another round of illness & breathing issues.

And then ... things got better. We were always told that because Max caught RSV at such a YOUNG age, one of two things would happen. He would either outgrow it, OR, this was something that he would have problems with into childhood, with a likely diagnosis of asthma down the road. Since being here, we have been very lucky, and just recently hit the three month mark of NO nebulizer use. He has been healthy, ALWAYS happy (even at the worst), and growing the way that he should. It's amazing and something we celebrate, the fact that he has gone so long without any real issues. But winter is coming, and I will admit that I am a little nervous.

We have had sick people in this house since moving here. M travels, and so therefore picks up random colds. I am currently battling a not-so-nice sinus infection. Every time a new cold pops up I wonder, what will happen? But so far we have been lucky, and Max has remained healthy. There is a huge part of me, though, that wants to hole up and not take him anywhere until April, for fear of a repeat. We visited our new pediatrician today for Max's nine-month checkup (tipping the scales at 25.8 lbs and 29.5'') and he was very, very happy with how clear and wonderful his lungs sounded! It was great to hear that things look and sound completely normal. But we were reminded (not that I needed it) that he is still capable of becoming very sick, very fast. He was impressed with the measures we have taken, the supplies we currently have, and the plan of attack if anything should go wrong, but it was an eye opener to the fact that even though things seem clear, it's still too early to give the 100%.

So, we tread cautiously. For now. We continue to celebrate the healthy days, and prepare for the not-so healthy ones. At some point, he is going to get sick again. That is inevitable because he's a baby, with an older, germy brother. We play with other kids. M brings home random colds. But hopefully, next time, it will just be normal. We are looking forward to normal.

Germany: Three Months

This morning I woke up, looked at the date and realized that our family had been here for three months already. How did that happen? It's hard to believe that we have hit that mark already, and it feels like we have been here for a much shorter time, but also forever.

It's been a whirlwind couple of months as we have spent most of our time trying to get settled. We left a lot of furniture behind when we moved, pieces that were old or hand me downs from military friends of past who have left, so we are slowly but surely building back up our belongings. It makes things left to do -- a few lingering boxes, photos that still need to be hung, books waiting to be put on non-existent shelves, piles of paperwork clutter because there isn't yet a desk to do the sorting -- feel like this isn't quite "home" yet. Slowly but surely we are getting there, and I look forward to the day when I feel like things are "complete" around here. IKEA has become our friend, and most of our new furniture has come from there, and I have a feeling more will be on the way! Seriously -- Ikea is great, although it was a TAD overwhelming the first time we went through. But now? I feel like an old pro. Ha!

Then there has been the whole adjustment to being in a new country. Obviously. I think we are doing well, for the most part. My husband is fearless, which often means that he has no worries when trying new things, visiting new places or trying to talk to somebody. I get very anxious about being somewhere new on my own, for the first time. It's almost crippling, but I'm working on that. I swear.

We definitely have not had a shortage of activities, and while I have not been as prompt in putting them on the blog, we are constantly doing things. It's a nice change from living in North Carolina, where while there were some amazing places to visit in the area, everything was HOURS away. Stuttgart is so full of life, and there is never a shortage of things to do or places to see. And while we have made visits to Luxembourg, France and the Czech Republic so far in the past three months, we have some great trips to Austria, France (again. Paris, people!), Belgium and Amsterdam planned all before the end of the year. It's such a surreal feeling, knowing that this is our life. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity that we are beyond grateful for, and we continue to plan to make the most of it while we are here. I have a feeling our travels will slow down a bit in the new year, and we will focus on some bigger, longer trips but it's SO hard to not take advantage of all of this as much as we possibly can. M's job takes him TDY a lot (read: never here) so I am working on some easy day trips with the kids.There is never a shortage of castles, villages, and with the holidays coming up, Christmas Markets, within a very short drive. Christmas markets galore!

I think one of the hardest adjustments for us, though, has been our living situation. Having owned our own home for almost eight years back in North Carolina, stairwell living has been an adjustment. It has provided us some interesting interactions with our very close-to-us neighbors that are less than ideal, but it has also provided some great budding relationships with that we have met as a couple or I have met on my own (hi friends!) so we focus on the positive and power through. But not without a bit of eye rolling in the process.

However, if that's the biggest struggle we have, then it's all worth it. This place continues to surprise us and amaze us with all that it has to offer. I wake up daily thinking, I'm in Germany. How did this happen? It's hard, and has so many challenges, but the more we get settled, the more we overcome those. Of course, the biggest thing has been having my mom so close, especially with M being gone as often as he is. The extra set of hands has been more than I could have ever asked for, and the time she gets to spend with the kids is beyond priceless.

I can't wait for the holidays! Christmas in Germany -- I have heard it's quite beautiful. :)

Max: Nine Months

Nine months is, hands down, my most favorite age with my babies, and Max is no exception to this. I can hardly believe that we are here already, that in three very short months I will have a one year old. It is so unbelievably crazy to think that nine months have already passed since that crazy whirlwind of a night. But here we are.

I love this age for so many reasons. Max is completely coming into his own, and his personality is shining through in a very big way. Much like Lucas at this age, he is incredibly laid back and so, so happy. He loves life, loves his parents, loves his brother (even if that love isn't returned from Lucas!), love his Grandma and almost always has a smile on his face. It is such a joy watching his bloom and figure out life!

Max started crawling around six and a half months and has been non-stop ever since. He is QUICK, and smart. Often as soon as I turn my back, he is off and gone before I even realize where he went -- although usually it's straight to his brothers room. He puts everything in his mouth, and no matter how hard I try to keep the floors clean, he manages to find something. He makes this hilarious grunting sound when he is happy and laughing, and is finally starting to string some noises together, almost sounding like "dada" and "mama." He has two teeth on the bottom still, and one side tooth that popped through, with three others slooowwwllly making their way down.

All in all, he is truly a joy. We struggle with sleep, still, and we have readjusted our schedules more times than I can count to find something that works. Things have gotten better, but we are still pretty unsuccessful on that front. Another post for another day.

He LOVES food. As you can tell by the miles of rolls on his little body. We didn't last very long on puree's, and have gone the way of baby-led weaning (something we also did with Lucas). There has been zero rush with food, and we didn't start with solids until well after six months when he started showing more of an interest. We are still doing mostly one meal a day (dinner) and sometimes two (breakfast) with some snacks in between. This month we will focus on a more steady schedule of two meals a day, and next month start introducing a third. Appointments are hard to get around here, so we haven't had his nine month check up, but I have no doubt that he is growing steadily and continues to be a healthy baby boy.

I love the way he snuggles and nuzzles into my arm when he is sleepy, and the way he props his foot up on my shoulder when eating (Lucas did the same thing. Weird boys). His laugh is completely infectious and you absolutely cannot help but smile and laugh with him when he gets going. He still completely adores his older brother and already so badly wants to follow in his footsteps. I hope that one day they are the best of friends, event though all Lucas wants to do right now is beat up on the poor little guy (although he won't be smaller for long. Max will definitely be the bigger of the two boys). He is incredibly ticklish, loves to shake his little booty when we are listening to music and has so much courage to try new things, with zero fear following along.

There is some sadness knowing that these are the last three months of having an infant in our home, but Max is such a wonderful, joyous baby. He makes our days brighter and I cannot wait to see the changes that come between now and January.

Sleepless Nights, Part 2

Last week or so, I wrote about the sleep issues that we were having with our toddler, Lucas. I briefly mentioned that we were also having issues with Max, and while we are making headway with him, too, I'm saving his explanation for another blog post. I am happy to report that things with Lucas are getting better, although slowly. BUT ... better.

My husband was out of town for about three weeks, and I was left alone with two children that basically hated sleep. Which was truly unfortunate because I LOVE SLEEP. Like, a lot. I selfishly miss the days of being able to go to bed whenever I want, wake up whenever I want, nap whenever I want ... etc. You get the idea. But, you know, parenting.

As I mentioned, Lucas has been improving, with some pretty major leaps & bounds. We no longer stay with him in his bed, or even in his room, until he falls asleep, something we had done for weeks on end. We are also back to a scheduled 8pm bedtime. He generally doesn't like it when we leave the room, but we have compromised with leaving the door open for him and our bedroom light on (which seeps into his room just enough). He will fuss for a minute, and may call out after a little while, but we don't even go to him, tell him he's fine, and tell him to just close his eyes. More often than not, I have used the "you don't have to go to sleep, but you need to lay here" line, which fools him just enough to think that he doesn't actually have to go to bed.

I battled the two hour scream fest for the first couple of weeks my husband was gone (something that had been going on for a month up until that point), until I remember that I had bought some Zarbee's night time cough syrup when we first got here, because Lucas was so sick, and was not sleeping well due to waking himself up at night. It had the smallest amount of melatonin in it, and we reluctantly gave it to him. Neither my husband or I are fans of melatonin, for the simple fact that it's a hormone, and there hasn't been a lot of research on it in children. People also mistake it for a sleep aid, which it is not. It simply helps to reset your clock, and helps your body say "oh hey, it's pitch black, I should sleep now." I have no issue with other people using it, and if you do, I promise I'm not getting all judgy on you. To each their own, ESPECIALLY when it comes to your kids! But in the past it wasn't for us.

Until I was averaging about three hours of sleep a night while solo parenting.

If you're not familiar with Zarbee's, it's awesome. It's a totally natural, honey-based cough syrup. There are no drugs in it, just all natural ingredients, so overdosing is impossible. So I broke down, out of pure desperation, and gave it to him. And for the first time in MONTHS, my kid was out cold by 8pm. And he slept the entire night.

It was a damn miracle.

I did this for a week, to help get him back on a normal, routine bedtime. It also helped keep him calm leading up to 8pm, so we were able to do our normal routine. Bath. Books. Snuggles. Lights out. I stopped using it about a week ago, and he is back to his normal schedule, all on his own. The hyperactivity is still there, although when he gets good sleep at night, it's not nearly as bad the next day. The amount of energy that this kid has is seriously high, so keeping him active has also been equally important, although doesn't always work. We have zero TV after the morning, unless it's raining out and we may watch a movie. But by dinner time it's off for good, we play and start the calming down process because it seriously takes THAT LONG to get him to a point where he's ready for bed. We use a sound machine (always have) and have dark curtains. I think, more than anything, he is becoming more comfortable with his bed and his surroundings, to realize that it really is his space.

We still deal with wake ups in the middle of the night. It's a 50/50 situation as to whether or not he will sleep all night, but with M home now, he has been tackling the toddler wakeups. Which, for me is a huge, huge help. It gives me a chance to focus on Max (my next blog post) and getting HIM on a normal sleep schedule that doesn't involve me waking up three or four times a night.

The past few nights have been good. I am not nearly as exhausted as I was last week (or previous weeks) and overall his attitude and behavior has been SO MUCH better than I mentioned in my previous post, confirming for us at least, that everything was sleep related. Hewe  still naps during the day, although I do try to get him down as early as possible (closer to 12:30 or 1pm) to maximize the afternoon and give us plenty of time to be active. Some days napping doesn't happen, but on those days I make him play in his room by himself, and we make sure we are not at all sedentary, because come 4pm, if he sits down, he will pass out. As long as his behavior is good, we keep going and he gets a much earlier bedtime to make up for it.

All in all, huge, massive improvements. Which makes mommy very, very happy.

Hohenzollern Castle

Photo credit: Wikipedia

I'm a bit behind on writing about our adventures, and I apologize for that! We have still been doing so much, but with moving in to our permanent place, getting settled and the craziness that is my children's sleep schedules, there hasn't been much time for writing!

But I didn't want to miss out on this one.

This is Hohenzollern Castle (Burg Hohenzollern). We visited this castle a couple of months ago when we were still living in the hotel. About an hour south from us, it was an easy drive, one that I am looking forward to doing again. The Hohenzollern castle was the home of the future Emperors of Germany of the same name, as well as the future King of Prussia (who built the third castle, seen above).

This was our first castle visit here in Germany, and I'm not going to lie, it was pretty majestic. The castle can be seen well before you reach it, as it sits atop a pretty high hill. The views from the top are amazing, and every direction you look there is another spectacular view. Very little of the inside of the castle can be seen on the tour (we were only able to see a handful of rooms) but the outside grounds themselves are worth the visit.

Germany has more castles than we can count, but they are a common interest for both me & M. There is something so surreal about seeing how people like this lived hundreds and hundreds of years ago. Our history in the United States is so small, but being able to visit landmarks like this is pretty amazing.

If you are ever in the Stuttgart area, the Hohenzollern castle is definitely a must see. The hike to the top is long & steep, but if you don't feel like make the walk (we didn't) or have small kids (like us) then the shuttle is worth the few Euro. There is a restaurant at the top, within the castle, as well as a beer garden in the courtyard (of course). There are plenty of areas to sit and enjoy the scenery as well.

We can't wait to go back!