Decisions

Tomorrow marks my due date. Forty weeks pregnant.

I honestly did not think I would make it this far, but I shouldn't be too surprised.

I met with my OB yesterday for our weekly appointment. There is nothing new to report on the progress -- no contractions aside from some pretty serious Braxton Hicks, and I've been holding stead at 2cm for about two weeks now (which is normal). When my midwife left the practice unexpectedly around 20 weeks, I was not at all hesitant about continuing my pregnancy with the OB on staff. He had delivered Lucas, and overall is so calm & relaxed, that it was a good fit to finish this thing out. We had a good chat this week, and what I love about him is that he is in absolutely no rush to induce me. He is completely fine with dragging his feet as long as possible, giving me up to 42 weeks to do this thing on my own, something that truly makes me happy and takes some stress over these next couple of weeks, as long as things go well. I have a non-stress test on Friday, and one most likely again on Monday or Tuesday if nothing has happened by then. If baby looks good, then we will keep plugging along.

But.

Even though I'm not at all being pressured to be induced, there is a very small (ok, maybe a little bigger than small) part of me that is ready to just do this. To give it until next week (if nothing has happened by then) and then just say ok, let's get this show on the road. My last labor was brutal BUT, I went in starting from zero. I hadn't dilated at all, so it was slow going the first couple of days. But once I got to 3cm, my midwife was able to break my water. From there, things picked up. So it's tempting to want a little help especially knowing that things have already started on their own. Again, this is all assuming that things won't happen on their own in the next week, and all things I am just telling myself to get through this.

Honestly, I don't know what we will do. Up until now I had been holding steadfast on our plan, but now ... I just don't know. I'm tired. Cranky. Achy. Ready to meet our little guy. Not at all sure that I can hold out another two weeks (although I know I can). I'm just ready to move on, and in the mean time, will be doing everything possible to help the process, short of chugging some castor oil.