Weeks Seven & Eight: A Trip to Seattle

Whoops! I missed a week! With good reason, however! :)

Last week [week seven!] Lucas and I embarked on a cross country journey to visit my family in Seattle. Prior to Lucas being born, M and I decided that this was a trip that needed to happen sooner rather than later [we didn't want to wait until Christmas to take him home & introduce him to everyone] so after he was born, we booked a ticket. Unfortunately, M wasn't able to come with us, so Lucas & I took off solo.

Traveling cross country with an eight week old was definitely an interesting experience. Fortunately for me, I have an amazing kid who did SO FREAKING WELL on all flights. The only time he fussed was during takeoff [when the cabin is pressurizing] and once when he dropped a major deuce just as they closed the the doors on the plane, therefore not allowing me to change his diaper for approximately 30 minutes. I'm pretty sure NOBODY was happy about that! But aside from that, he either slept or he coo'ed and ahh'ed at our neighbors, which made me so happy.

The trip was beyond great. It was so wonderful for my whole family to meet Lucas and spend some time with him. My sister was able to take the whole week off, which meant Lucas got plenty of quality Aunt Aimie time. My mom is in love with being a grandma, and my grandparents were ecstatic to meet their first great-grand child. Seeing my grandparents with Lucas just melted my heart. Even my brother was loving having some baby time. It truly was fabulous all around. More often than not, I had to beg to have my baby back, as he got passed around from family member to family member. He was wonderful through it all, loving all the attention and hamming it up. He is defintely his father's son, as M loves being the center of attention as well :)

Lucas and his Great Grandparents. Such a wonderful moment!

Aunt Aimie with feeding duties!

Lucas & Grandma!

While we were visiting, I also got to experience my first mother's day. I cannot explain how important this day was, and how amazing it was to experience. I say it frequently, but I am so lucky and so blessed to be able to share this day with other mom's and to spend it with my family. We missed M while we were in Seattle, but he treated me well when we got back. My heart still goes out to all my friends who are still waiting, and I hope you all know that I really do wish next year will be your year. I know who shitty this holiday can be when you have been trying so hard.

On top of it all, I also was glad to get out of the South and back to the Northwest for a while. While being down here has gotten easier over the years, I still get homesick for the West Coast. So any time I get to spend back there is wonderful and refreshing for me. It gave me the Oompfh that I need to make it until Christmas, when we head back that direction again as a whole family. 

The view from my mom's house at Alki Beach. Love it so much!

As far as Lucas and his development, he has grown leaps and bounds the past couple of weeks. We had his two month checkup a little bit early [due to a screw up on the appt scheduler's part] only to find out that our little guy is up to THIRTEEN POUNDS. I couldn't believe it, but can all at the same time. This guy loves to eat and is consistently on the high end of what his daily intake should be, if not exceeding it from time to time. You can definitely tell in his face & legs that he is a little chunky, but he is healthy and that's all that matters! He was so skinny at birth because he was so dang long, so having a few baby fat rolls on him are ok. Plus, they are cute :) Who doesn't love a baby double chin??! 

He has also become SO VOCAL, the past couple of days especially. He has been making small coo'ing noises for a few weeks now, but the past couple of days he has started to figure out that not only can he make new sounds, but that he can also make them louder and longer. It's adorable and I love, love, love listening to him when he gets going. He loves focusing on a object and just talking to it. It melts my heart. 

I have two weeks left of my maternity leave, and I am not ready to go back to work yet. I am taking every opportunity to love on and snuggle with this guy before that day comes. We have an amazing friend who will be watching him for us while we are both at work, so I know he will be in good hands, but part of me is looking forward to returning to my office. Maternity leave has been wonderful, and I will miss my little guy every minute away from him, but I'm ready to be productive again!! 

Six Weeks: So Many Changes!

This past Thursday, Lucas hit the six week mark. Every week I am in awe at how fast the time goes and how much he changes. And how BIG he is getting. We are officially out of newborn clothes (aside from a couple of cute things that I still squeeze him into because I can't bare to put them away yet!) and growing every day.

He has also become so much more vocal than last week. Last week we started to see the cute little coo's in more volume, but this week he has been a little chatterbox. We've heard a couple of beginnings to laughter, but nothing that I would consider his first laugh yet. He also hates tummy time. We don't last more than a couple of minutes before he starts an all out fit. Needless to say, I think we're a little behind in that aspect. But his head control is amazing, and has been since early on. He'll make up for it.

Lucas also looks more and more like a little boy every single day. Not that there was any doubt that he was definitely a boy (you know what I mean!) but his growth is changing everything. And sometimes I look at him and just think, wow, where did my newborn baby go? I know I'm a little biased, but I happen to think I have a pretty darn cute baby, and every day he surprises me with a new look or a new action. He's growing way too fast. 

The dogs, I think, have finally accepted that Lucas is here to stay. Lucas is definitely much more curious of them than they are of him, for the most part. They are cautious of him on some days, and protective on others. And, every once in a while, they sneak in the occasional lick when we can't shoo them away quick enough. But they are all such loving dogs and a huge part of our little family. Neither of us can wait for the day when Lucas is up and running around, old enough to really play with them. In a weird way, it is something that we are really looking forward to. Our dogs were (and still are) like our children for the longest time. We're happy to be bringing both those worlds together.

Tomorrow, Lucas & I head to Seattle for a week to visit family & friends, so that everyone can meet the little guy and see what an adorable kid we have. I'm nervous about the trip because we are doing it solo, and I have a lot of logistics to work out. M isn't able to get the time off work, hence just the two of us going out there, but I'm hoping that it will be smooth flying for us. I'm not so much worried about Lucas on the flights, because he is a pretty easy kid and as long as I keep him fed he will be happy. But, because I am exclusively pumping, that will make my travels a little more difficult. I'm going with a "whatever happens happens" attitude, and hoping that people will be sympathetic to me being solo. Although Lucas is a generally mild mannered kid, and I don't think we will have any major issues. At least, my fingers are crossed. But wish me luck. We will definitely need it! I am looking forward to the family time, as this will probably be our last vacation before Christmas.

Have a great weekend!

One Does Not Simply Walk Into Mordor

Google has a lot of awesome stuff that always catches you off guard and sort of makes you laugh. But this? I think this is one of the best. Call me a nerd if you must, but this cracks me up! Well done, Google. Well done.

Five Weeks: All Smiles*

What a change this past week has been with the nugget! Holy cow! For the past two weeks, Lucas and I were solo as Daddy was out in the field for some Army training. With no help, we were left to figure thing out on our own, and I will admit, it was kind of nice. It also means that this little man is turning into a serious Mama's Boy, much to M's dismay!

But this week has been all about the smiles! Lucas has finally figured out how to smile on his own, with out the help of his little farts to do the work, and it has become so easy to get that big, cheesy grin from him! In fact, aside from the morning snuggles, getting this guy to smile has become my favorite thing to do. Seeing that big grin first thing in the morning, when he sees me to come pick him up, makes my heart melt a million different ways.

But now that M is back home this week, I've been doing my best to let him handle more situations. Since we've been on our own the past two weeks, we've gotten a pretty good routine down. I know his cries, and his timeline, and essentially, what he needs at any given point during the day. M does not, not that it's his fault. I spent 24/7 with the kid so it only makes sense that Mama Knows Best! But Dad needs to figure it out, too, no matter how hard it is to hear him cry when I know exactly how to rock him/sooth him/hold him to make him feel better. It's a learning process for him, and I need to not let my anxiety get the best of me in those situations. As much as I say that I could use some alone time during the day, when it comes down to it, I love this little guy so much ... I really don't want to let him out of my arms!

He is also growing SO MUCH. He is no longer my tiny little baby we brought home from the hospital. I had to accept the fact that we were moving to a bigger diaper this week, and some of his pajamas's and little pants are getting a tad snug. He's still in newborn size onesies, but we've had to break out the 0-3 month clothes for some other things. It makes me sad that he is already growing so fast. I want him to stay little forever! But Lucas eats like a horse! We cannot put enough food into his belly, which doesn't help my supply issues as he is gradually getting more formula than boob juice, but we are lucky he is such a good eater.

His schedule has also become a little more predictable. His days are still a little varied, and one day can be completely different than the next, but he seems to be falling asleep around 8:00 every night. Aside from a couple quick wakeups for some food (once around 10:30 and again around 2:30) he sleeps very soundly through the night, and we are both up and starting our day around 7:00 am. Because he is such a sound sleeper and is typically very quiet, I'm sleeping pretty hard in those four hour stretches (or so). So with that, I am feeling pretty good these days. Although not as good as I'm sure I will feel when he first sleeps through the night. Of course, it's not all roses and rainbows, but most of the time, it is. I really have no complaints about this kid.

Aside from almost daily walks, there still isn't a lot of physical activity on my part, but I am looking forward to changing that this week. I am going to start working out on a daily basis, thanks to some long walks planned and some home workouts that won't take up too much time. I'm still taking it easy, but I am itching to get into shape and lose some more weight. I'm lucky that I didn't gain much during my pregnancy, and am weighing less than I did when I got pregnant, but I'm still feeling blah. At five weeks post partum, I'm looking forward to being a little more active. I'm stir crazy at the house and feeling antsy, so hopefully this will ease some of that for me and make me feel a little better.

All in all, things are pretty good these days. My maternity leave is half over, and while I am looking forward to going back to work in June, I can't imagine leaving this guy. I'm preparing for it, but getting in all the snuggles I can. We have a trip to Seattle in the very near future to visit family & friends, so I am looking forward to that as well. I can't wait to see how this kid changes in the coming weeks!

Breast Feeding & Pumping*

There are a lot of things that are difficult about being a new, first time parent. The exhaustion. The feeling of being completely overwhelmed, especially in the first couple of weeks. Realizing that you are completely responsible for the life of a new person [and hoping you don't fuck it up too bad]. Figuring out how this new little person fits into your life.The extreme lack of sleep.

The list is endless.

It's no surprise that nothing about having a baby was easy for us, or for me. Between the miscarriage, infertility, a rough pregnancy and an even more difficult delivery, everything was challenging. I knew, because of my breast reduction two years ago, that breast feeding may also prove to be difficult when the time came. I made the choice and understood that as a result of the type of breast reduction I was having, that there was a good chance that I wouldn't be able to produce ANYTHING. So, as I reached the end of my pregnancy and the topic of whether or not to breast feed came up, my mind was open to the possibilities. If I could, great!! If I couldn't because of my surgery, then no big deal and I wasn't going to beat myself up over it. I thought I had a good mindset about the reality of the situation. Everybody I talked I told them this with a sort of nonchalant attitude. Everyone told me that I was in a good place with what I would be able to do.

So why do I feel like failure?

When I was in the  hospital, we had no problem getting Lucas to latch on [well, with the help of a nipple shield. Thank you, very much, to my extremely large nips!] and he would nurse without a fight. At this point, they don't need much other than whatever colostrum I can give them to begin with, so it was a relatively easy process. After each nursing session, I would pump for a few minutes, just to make sure that my body knew I needed to produce more. A few days later, it was obvious when my milk came in and I was ecstatic that my plumbing was working!

Cut to two days later, with a hungry baby, and tears streaming down my face because suddenly nursing has become extremely difficult. Lucas would suddenly get fussy and angry with every session. One day, we spent an hour and a half trying to nurse, before I finally gave up and gave him his first formula bottle. It had been five hours since his last nursing session, and the kid needed to eat. Immediately after that, I called the lactation department at our local hospital, where I had given birth, and made an appointment to see the woman who had been helping me after delivery. Through a couple of nursing sessions and a fancy scale, we learned that Lucas was, essentially, not getting any boob juice from mama. I was, essentially, starving my child for a few days. He would latch, and he would nurse, but he was not eating. For a while, we thought maybe a SLIGHT tongue tie was to blame, but three different doctors said he had no problem and they would not cut his frenulum.

So, frustrated, I turned to pumping. The hope was that as he got a little older and a little stronger, his suck would get better. Our schedule was essentially nurse for 30 minutes, simply for the idea that he was keeping up with the practice & staying with it, give him a bottle [which takes about 15 minutes for him to take] and then pump for another 15-20 minutes. Since he was eating every two to three hours, you can imagine how much of a daunting & exhausting task this was. Unfortunately, what we also found out through pumping was that my supply was not that great. I was not [and still am not] producing enough for what his daily intake is, despite weeks of power pumps and herbs galore. So even if we could get him to latch AND eat, he would still need to be supplemented.

And that failure thing? This is where I feel it. Which, i do not know why. I went into this expecting NOTHING. I knew that there was a chance that if I produced even a drop, it was a miracle. So I should be happy with the fact that even though we are supplementing, he is still getting a substantial amount of boob juice every day (about half of what he takes in). But after four weeks of figuring out what to do, and what would work, calling my Lactation Consultant and telling her that I was throwing in the towel and focusing on pumping was difficult. I got caught up in an emotion that I wasn't expecting. The tears weren't expected.

I know this is my doing. I chose to have the surgery to make my situation better. Do I regret it? I don't know. It would have made things easier. Or it wouldn't. I'll never know. But it is what it is. Breast feeding is hard. And challenging. And emotional. Making that choice to quit nursing was hard, but I know that it's what is best FOR US. Although, I will admit that being tied to my pump, especially now when I am pumping every two to three hours, kind of sucks. But, some boob juice is better than nothing, and I have to keep telling myself that I am doing the best that I can, doing the best for my little man. I am still struggling with how to handle all of this, but we will get to a place. And every day that I keep pumping is one day better for Lucas. Right?