Are We Crazy?*

Last weekend, my husband and I decided to get out of the house, so we headed to Home Depot. It's sort of one of those places that we both love to go, and we love gathering ideas for our dream "if we had all the money in the world we would do this to our house" list.

We started talking about that again, and somehow we ended up talking about the kitchen. Which, for the record, is the room most in need of a makeover. We've done SOME updating to our house over the last three years (new paint, new light fixtures in most of the rooms, replacing all the brass door knobs with brushed nickle, etc), but the kitchen really hasn't had any love.

So, in one of those fantasy moments, we started talking about what we could do to our kitchen. We don't live in the NICEST neighborhood in town, so we're not exactly wanting to go high end. We would never see the return when we went to sell the house. And what we realized was that for what we want to do, it really wouldn't cost THAT much money.

So, we decided maybe it's time!

We picked out a few things, decided what could work for us and what couldn't, what we could do and what we would need help with, and came up with a number of what we would have to spend to update our 1996 kitchen. All in all -- it wasn't that much of a shock.

So, we are on Mission: Kitchen Remodel.

One of the ways we plan on cutting expenses is to just refinish our current cabinets. They are not an outdated style, but unfortunately they have multiple layers of paint. Stripping these down to
the bare wood is going to be time consuming pain in the ass. I'm NOT looking forward to it. We also plan on replacing the floors with a newer laminate instead of tile, and then replacing the countertops. And of course, new paint & new, stainless steel appliances.

Within the next couple of days, I'll take some before photos so we can get this party started. I imagine that this weekend will be filled with lots of paint stripper. I plan on having lots of wine on standby. I'm going to need it.

Hopefully, this won't take more than a month to do. Our kitchen is small, and the majority of it we can do ourselves. The appliances will be the last thing, and those may have to wait a while. But luckily, I get a HUGE discount through work (working in the construction business is WONDERFUL sometimes!) but they will by far be our largest expense. We'll have to save a few more pennies for that.

I can't wait to share everything with all of you! Stay tuned!!

Waivering Optimism*

I found this image on this week's Post Secret. I did not send it in, but I could have. Easily.

I've sort of down lately about our whole situation. Which makes me angry because just a few weeks ago I was so upbeat about it.

The nurse at the RE Clinic here on post called me the day after my referral in early January. For whatever reason, the clinic here on Fort Bragg makes you go to a group orientation prior to having any sort of actual appointment.

And of course they only do it once a month. January's was perfectly scheduled during our trip home to the Northwest.

February's isn't until the 24th. So. There's that.

It's disappointing because I am so ready to get this show on the road. I'm tired of waiting, and yet here I am ... waiting some more. Meanwhile, my life has been bombarded with pregnancy announcement from friends and our trip home was full of questions from family as to why we hadn't produced any grandchildren or great grandchildren yet. Thanks for the added pressure, people.

And while I'm so very, very happy for friends who have an easy time getting pregnant, who don't have to go through the waiting and frustration that we do, I won't lie when I say it stings just a little to hear "I'm pregnant!" followed by "it was so easy," and "we weren't really trying."

And it doesn't seem to be going right for anybody that I know currently going through fertility treatments. Failed IVF's, husbands deployed for a year putting any chance of a pregnancy on hold, delayed appointments ... it's somewhat emotional these days, and not just for myself. I hate being in this bitter stage, but it is what it is I guess.

We have all been there, and I know that my optimism will win me over again one of these days. But I've barely scratched the surface of this whole process and I'M tired of it. I can't imagine what my friends feel like that have been doing this so much longer than I have.

Me Too*

back to reality*

Whew!

What a week.

The hubs & I have been in the Pacific Northwest the past week visiting friends & family in both Seattle & Portland. It was a great time, and I have so much to share, but unfortunately, the 500 emails I have at work are keeping me a little busy right now! So, hopefully this weekend I will have a longer update and a LOT of photos to share with everyone.

I did want to mention that Marshall & I had our photos taken while we were out there. We haven't had any pictures taken together [professionally, that is!] since our wedding three years ago! TOO LONG! A very, very good friend of mine, Kayla Bosma, was kind enough to snap some pictures of us out near her studio. If you are in the Seattle area, I highly recommend her services. She is a fabulous photographer, & the person that actually inspired me to pick up my camera and do more.

These are a couple of my absolute favorites from the session. I can't wait to go through them and pick out some more.

Until later ... hope everyone is well!

Wordless Wednesday

I'm dreaming of the day when I get to go back.

Ups & Downs*

Whoops. Been a little while. Sorry about that.

Life has been a little crazy since the new year started. To begin with, I turned 30. Officially. Seems a little crazy to me, that I am not entering a completely new decade of my life. But in a very optimistic [not like me at all] sort of way, I'm actually looking forward to good things to come. I feel like I am in such a good place right now -- mentally, emotionally [not quite physically, but I'll get there!] -- that I really don't have TOO many complaints about where I am at right now.

For the most part, the year has started off well. The morning of my birthday, I had a doctors appointment with my normal doc. We chatted about the next step for us post HSG test, and decided that because of my husbands low motility, that going to clomid alone was not the next best step for us. He referred me to the fertility clinic here on post, and recommended to the RE in my files that going to clomid plus IUI was the right next step.

It was actually a good birthday present.

However.

My optimism and excitement has wavered. I got the phone call today from the nurse, stating that I would need to attend an orientation of some sorts prior to anything else happening. Ok ... I can do that.

Unfortunately, they only do them once a month. It's this Thursday.

I'll be in Seattle.

Which means, that I now have to wait until February to do the orientation, which means that the EARLIEST that I can actually do an IUI is March. MARCH.

I don't need a damn orientation. I have done my research. I know the drill. I know exactly what happens, and what we need to do. I realize that not every patient is like this, but let's be honest -- when you get to this point, odds are you are slightly obsessed about it. Otherwise you wouldn't be reaching out to get a little help on the whole baby thing, right?

So now I'm completely discouraged. I will probably call my regular doctor to see if he can prescribe me some clomid, so we can at least do SOMETHING while we're waiting. Unfortunately, we leave town tomorrow night [hopefully. Stupid snow.] and because of the whole five inches of snow we've had, everything on post is closed. So that plan will at least have to wait until the next cycle.

The whole thing is just so obnoxious. My optimism about having a baby in 2011 have definitely wavered and left the building. In the mean time, I'm 3 days late, but cramping like a bitch right now. Which means AF is right around the corner. No optimism there, either, obviously.

A New Year*

Happy 2011!

I know I'm a couple of days late on this, but I hope everybody had a safe and wonderful New Years Eve. We spent the evening with a few friends, a nice dinner, music, drinks & a nice time had by all. Shortly after the new year made it's appearance, we danced for a bit then headed home. It was so nice to ring in the new year with my lovely husband and a couple of my greatest friends!

I'm not really a fan of resolutions, because frankly, I kind of suck at them. It's only a matter of time before I break them, and I think that we should always strive to better ourselves; not just once a year.

With that said, I am taking this time to really focus on making myself better. I have come a very long way from this time last year, and in 2011 I am vowing to take care of myself. First and foremost, I'm focusing on my health! I also want/need to put myself first. To stop caring so much about what other people think about me. To be happy about the little moments in my life that are worth celebrating. To do the things I love more, like photography and painting. To be a better friend to those around me, and a better wife to the husband I have.

I want to be better. And I fully believe that there are more than a few tiny resolutions that need to take place in order to make that happen.

2011 is my year!