Wishing.

today is one of those days.

the type of day where i want to be at home, on our [brand new] couch doing nothing but drinking coffee & catching up on bad television. in fact, i seem to crave these type of days more & more it seems. in a previous lifetime, i would have taken a *coughcough* sick day & used it more as a personal day. sadly, i can't even justify doing that right now because my work load is so freakin' intense.

there is a very huge part of me that wishes i could take a sabbatical. not for a long time. for like, a month. oh the things i could do & get accomplished!

i have a slightly guilty conscious sometimes when i start to feel like this, because i've worked hard to be where i am. but sometimes i just don't feel like it's worth it, and that i am missing out on a lot of things otherwise. i want to be more creative -- do more, paint more, sketch more. i want our house to be perfect. i'd settle for it always just being clean. i want to spend some more time doing the things that i love doing instead of *wishing* i had the time to do so. i want to spend more time with my husband & less time sitting behind a desk for 50 hours a week.

can i just win the lottery so this can all happen? because while i definitely want to do *all* of those things, i like my paycheck as well!

but then there is that nagging suspicion in the back of my head that reminds me i probably wouldn't like being home all the time. alone. & when we start to have kids? forget it. i'm not sure i could handle that. but maybe i could! because i have a feeling that i wouldn't just do nothing. i would pursue other things more fiercely, like my photography business. i would make something out of all those paintings i would suddenly have time to do.

decisions, decisions. can i just move to europe, please? so i don't have to make this decision -- it could just be made for me?? :)