Still Waiting*

Due dates are a tease, ya'll.

It's really no surprise that first time mom's often go past their due dates. So the fact that I am sitting at five days past isn't really shocking. As I type this, I am sitting on my yoga ball, bouncing, hoping to help speed things along. Whether it's an old wives tale, or something that might actually help, I don't care at this point. As long as it helps. Along with the yoga ball, we've done everything else as well: long walks [which included two hours of laps around the mall the other day], spicy food every chance I can get, eating pineapple in large quantities, red raspberry leaf tea, and lots of extra lovin' time with my very lucky husband! [TMI? Sorry!]

But, the simple fact of the matter is that this kid isn't coming until he/she is ready! Last friday, on my actual due date, there was zero progress. My cervix still hadn't done anything & I was as closed up as one could get. At Tuesday's appointment, I had FINALLY [wooohoo!] dilated to 1cm, which while it's not a LOT of progress, it's progress none the less! The baby is still looking good on the non-stress tests and in the ultrasounds, but is apparently quite comfortable & not quite ready to make it's grand appearance yet. I go back in tomorrow morning [Thursday] to repeat everything for a third time and make a decision as to how we want to proceed. IF, by some magical wonderful miracle, I have dilated a little more [3 or 4 cm] then we may just say screw it & admit me to the hospital while throwing in a couple of aides to help the process along i.e. cerva.dil as well as possibly going ahead and breaking my water. Although breaking my water is only an option IF I have hit 4cm. If there is still no substantial progress tomorrow, then we will likely give it the weekend and reevaluate things on Monday.

My goal through all of this was to go as natural as possible. To let things happen on their own and refrain from using any drugs in the process. My midwife has been amazingly awesome through all of this, supporting my decision, but making sure that I am aware of all my options. She has never once pushed us to do anything that we don't want to do [i.e. be induced already] and is totally supportive of whatever we decide. I am trying to remember why I wanted to do this naturally, but the farther along I get, the harder it is to remember that. The idea of being done and meeting our baby is one that we really want to happen. Honestly, if it was up to my husband, they would be inducing me on Thursday after our appointment. But I'm just not there yet. Monday, however, might be a completely different story. There's also the fact that I am essentially wasting my maternity leave. I stopped working last Friday and am OK with one week of waiting and doing what we can to get baby out, but two weeks of my 12 isn't quite as appealing.

Either way, whatever happens, I hope my body realizes that it needs to speed things up. I am so ready to meet this kiddo! As is my husband. As he continually reminds me :) I love how excited he is! I'm still nervous/anxious/terrified of everything that's about to happen, but at the same time, I feel a little more calm about all of this. The closer I get, the more ready I am. The fear is definitely still there but subsiding a little more. I just hope I remain this way when the time actually comes. I know my body was meant to do this, so I have to trust that it knows what needs to do and WILL do what it needs!

Hopefully next time I post, I will have good news! In the mean time, I'm just going to keep bouncing on my yoga ball!