IUI 1.0*

Tomorrow marks my first ever IUI.

I'm nervous.

I mean, there really isn't much more to say about it other than I'm completely terrified. I am still in LAND OF THE BITTER & HOPELESS and I don't really know how to get myself out of this wreck.

Tomorrow is cd 15, which is I suppose a semi-normal day to have an IUI on. I know women who have had their MUCH later in the cycle so there's that. And, we've taken all the precautions necessary in case of an early O. But basically, my cycle looked like this:

CD4 I started on 75 iu's of Gonal F. On CD8 I went in for an ultrasound to check things out. I had one 11 follicle on the left, and an 11 & 14 on the right. Things looked good! When my bloodwork came back, it was only at 62 ... Nurse D had expressed that she wanted to see it around 100, so that was the first bit semi-negative in the cycle. Come CD12 for ultrasound number 2 and they can only find the follicle on the left. It's grown quite a bit (was almost an 18 on tuesday) but they can't find the other two on the right.

whomp whomp.

Nurse D even expressed her disappointment in only having one follicle. Which, you know, sucks and all. If this doesn't work, then we will up the dosage on the Gonal F to see if I react better to it with a higher dose. But the fact that we're already planning for the next round is shitty in so many ways.

I mean, whatever ... who am I to talk?? I am always planning for the next cycle. But this shit is tough. I'm not exactly sure what to do, or what to think. I want to be optimistic for tomorrow, and I have a serious goal to keep the next two weeks as stress FREE as possible to aid in any way with any of the this. But shit ... it's hard

I hope it works. I really, really do. I was not a huge fan of giving myself daily injections, and that trigger shot was a mother fucking BITCH. But it is what it is. I know that one juicy follie is better than none ... but dang. Just ... dang.

So, fingers crossed. I need all the love, support and HOPEFUL wishes sent this way that you all can muster up. Because I sure as hell am not feeling the hope. I hate it ... but it's not there.