Moving On

First off, big thanks to those who commented, emailed, tweeted, texted & called me in regards to my last post (some of you, I still owe messages back to. I am a jerk. I know this.) It's not very often, I have found, that moms in the blog world are HONEST about what goes on behind closed doors. But seeing as this is my space, and I really have no true POINT to the blog other than to just write to get my feelings out, that's exactly what I did. For all the positive responses, those who reached out to me, I truly appreciate it. Honestly.

Right now is just a tough time. That week, in particular, was especially bad. Just ... BAD. I have no doubt in my mind that my hormones are working overtime right now, and I'm a little more sensitive to what's going on around me. On top of that, I'm still trying to figure everything out, so with that comes lots of ebbs and flows in my life. I hate this, but it is what it is. Acceptance is something I am continually working on.

With that said, things are still a struggle, but we are working on it. Every week it's something different it seems, but there's not a lot that I can do, personally, to fix any of it. Lucas is still waking up at night, and as of last night, we are back on the CIO bandwagon. I'm also removing all pacifiers from the house. This was a long time coming, but something I wasn't quite ready to do yet. However, he is chewing through all of them, rendering them useless, and I refuse to buy more. So, today is the day. They are getting cut out. The wakeups aren't always bad. If they happen early in the night, between midnight and 3:00 a.m. I can usually get him back to sleep. But anything after that and we are up for the day. This makes for a very, very long day, for both of us, with a schedule completely out of whack. Part of the reason, I think, are the stupid pacifiers. So, we are done.

I warned the husband that it's going to be a rough few nights, and seeing as he actually has to go to work in the mornings with an alarm set for 5am, I feel awful about this. But I need my sanity, and my sleep. I can't deal with a toddler who won't sleep while also dealing with a newborn in two months (TWO MONTHS. EEK.) So this week is it. There will be tears on all ends, and LOTS of coffee consumed, but this has to happen. Sorry kid.

Along with the battle of the sleepless child, my OB told me I had sciatic nerve pain at my last appointment. Can we take a minute to talk about HOW TRULY AWFUL THIS IS? I had some pretty wicked pain when I was pregnant with Lucas, mostly centered in my pelvic region. I thought that was bad, but I would gladly trade this for that. Sciatic nerve pain and pretty much rendered me useless, and if any pressure is applied to my left side (shifting wrong, sitting wrong, WALKING) it feels like someone is stabbing my hip and lower back region with a knife. It's intense, and daily activities have become hard to do. If I could sit all day and relax? No problem. But chasing a toddler around, doing errands as simple as going to the grocery store, trying to walk from one room to the other, it's tough. My friends who have seen me since it flared up have seen me hobble around. I feel (and look) like a fool but man, the pain is intense. I'm currently waiting for my referrel to go through with my OB and the chiropractic clinic, and hopefully tomorrow will have an appointment all set up. I have heard this will help, but we will see. Nothing has yet. I'm not sure I can handle eight more weeks of this (and I don't even know if this is something that goes away immediately after giving birth, like the pelvic pain did).

All in all, it's been a rough time. Not all bad, and we are definitely having good days inbetween the tough ones. If I can get my kid to sleep through the night again, we will be good. That alone will be a huge weight off my shoulders & maybe the extra hour or two of sleep a night will keep me a little more sane. The scaitic nerve pain? Well, it's here. It sucks balls, and it's hard, but it is what it is. Just don't laugh at me when you see me hobbling through the grocery store or Target.